Is It Worth It?
by Mistress del Mare
Summary: On Hold: What had happend to Lily that brought her to a hospital bed, vowing to never be with a man again? What happens when James finally deflates his head, and Lily begins to see the TRUE James? Will she go bak on her word? Will It be Worth It?
1. Prologue

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Is It Worth It?

Reposted 05.28.05

A/N: this story had originally been posted earlier on, but due to the usage of freaking song lyrics was taken down. I'm now reposting it in hopes that it'll be able to stay on the page as it's my favorite.

And I don't own anything that you recognize from the Harry Potter Books.

Lily Evans stood before the mirror looking down at her hands in shock. This couldn't be true. She couldn't have been that careless. She was first in line for Head Girl for hell sakes! How could _she_ of all people forget something that _vital?_ How could something like this happen to _her_ of all people? It just wasn't the norm.

Yet, the stick refused to change. It just had the same mocking line on it telling her that she was pregnant.

How could I be so fucking stupid! she screamed silently as her pale face crumpled as she let go of the terrified tears that she had been holding in. What was she going to do? What was going to happen to her?

All this and more was going through her head when she thought of something else. "How will I find the father?" she sobbed as she sunk to the floor in grief.

She was fifteen for hells sake! She couldn't take care of a child! She couldn't even take care of herself obviously!

"Why?" she hoarsely mumbled as she wept into her arms.

Hours later, figuring out that she was going to need some help, Lily decided to owl the one person she felt as if she could trust.

She and Isabella Edwards weren't on overly friendly terms, but they always had had a blast together when they went out partying, and not only that, they shared the same dorm room, and the girl was - or at least she _seemed_ like she was a trustful person. And at the moment, Lily just needed someone's advice and help.

With that in mind, Lily sent a short letter to Bella, and told her owl to wait for the reply.

Within the hour, she got a message back with two simple lines.

Of course I'll be there. Keep your head up.

Always, Bella

Lily took a deep breath and sighed in relief. At least she knew that this was someone who wouldn't judge her.

She was going to need a lot of help once she returned to school, and everyone noticed that she was pregnant. She wasn't going to be the ultimate good-girl image of Gryffindor anymore.

"Oh, Merlin," she started as tears welled up in her eyes again. "My grades!"

Bella arrived at the Evans' house to find Lily curled in her bed sobbing into a stuffed deer, and her heart ached for the redhead. She couldn't imagine what was going through the poor girls head right now. She knew that if she had been in that position she would have been in hysterics.

"Lily?" she asked softly as she walked on silent feet over to the bed. Sitting on the edge, Bella softly put her hand on Lily's back and waited until Lily opened her tear-filled green eyes.

"I remember who he was," she choked out in horror. "A-a-and h-he's o-o-o-o- _old!_" she sobbed into the brunettes arms as she lunched herself at the girl.

Bella's eyes widened in shock. Just how old was old?

"How old?"

"T-_twenty!"_ the distraught redhead answered, causing Bella to let out a relieved breath. That wasn't _so_ bad. Don't get her wrong, that was practically _rape_, but it wasn't as bad as say… a forty year old man and a fifteen year old girl.

"Do you want to find him?" Bella asked a few minutes later.

"He deserves to know," Lily said in a strained voice as she started sniffing.

That was in some ways the stupidest decision, yet in some twisted sort of way, the _best_ decision that Lily could have made.

After a long, tiring night, Lily and Bella went looking around for this guy, and ended up finding him amazingly enough. And after a heated battle - one where Bella found out that her new friend truly did have a red heads temper, the guy- who was 21, and named Jason reluctantly accepted that it _could_ be his child.

Over the next few months, Lily resisted the urge to inform her parents of her stupidness and grudgingly spent time with Jason, getting to know him. Hating him more each day.

Then, one day, it all changed. Her life took a drastic turn, and left her swearing off something that would change her life.

She had been standing in the corridor of Jason's apartment complex talking to his neighbors son, William when Jason had came home.

"I thought I told you that I didn't want you flirting with my neighbors, Lily," Jason spat, his brown eyes narrowed in anger.

Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I wasn't flirting you ass, I was merely keeping myself occupied while your late us took your time getting here," she retorted angrily.

Jason growled as he narrowed his eyes further and angrily opened his door, throwing it open and mockingly ushering her through the threshold.

"You fucking _whore!_ Who the fuck do you think that you are, talking to me like that you little bitch!" he roared as soon as the door shut, causing Lily to narrow her eyes at him. Who the hell did this ass think he was? _God!_ ha!

"I can talk to you whoever I fucking please you barbarian asshole! I swear you'd think that you think that you own me or something! I'm not _your_ anything you moron! I just got myself into a fucking very hard fucking place-" she started yelling only to stop as she watched with wide eyes as Jason furiously turned around, grabbed a near by lamp and hurled it in her direction.

It hit her in the stomach, causing Lily to back up against the wall, then clutch her stomach as she felt it starting to clench painfully. "Ow," she moaned, as tears started to come out of her eyes. Then she started to feel something wet on her legs and she started to panic. "Call the fucking ambulance!" she ordered seconds before she passed out.

Lily woke up in a white room with an insistent beating next to her somewhere. "Where am I?" she asked groggily.

She frowned as she felt something weird by her stomach, and looked down. And remembered everything.

Her temper.

Jason.

The lamp.

The argument.

The pain.

Her baby!

"I lost my baby," she realized with a shaky voice as she placed her hands on her stomach.

She had just started to get used to the idea of having something that precious growing in her. Something that pure, that innocent. Something that would love her no matter what. Someone that she could count on, and nurture and love.

And now, that innocent, little life that had been depending on her to protect it was gone. Because of her stupid choices. Because she had let her attraction for a boy endanger her. She _had_ been flirting with William, and she had _known_ that it would piss Jason off.

And now her baby was gone because of that.

It was all her fault.

"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered hoarsely, just as she heard her best friends' voice in the hall.

"I'll never touch a guy again. Never. I can't do this again," she cried as she suddenly felt the emptiness in her.

Somehow, Lily had been released from the hospital without her parents even finding out that she had been _in_ the hospital. Although, Lily had a sinking suspicion that it had something to do with Isabella's cousin and magic. But Lily wasn't about to complain. The least she could do was shelter her parents from the pain of knowing that their daughter was a lowlife.

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Authors Note:

This chapter is completely different from the original, mainly because of the fact that I can't find that chapter.

But, I do have the rest of them but I think that I'm going to re-write them. They'll basically be the **same** chapters, but I'm just going to add some information that I think will be helpful in the sequel, so yea. The story might well enough be worth reading again.

Anyways, I'm going to get started on the next chapter, so leave a review and I'll post in a few days okay?

Always,

Mistress del Mare


	2. 1

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Is It Worth It?

Chapter Two

Reposted 05.30.05

It was the summer before the seventh year started for Lily and James, and James was currently sitting in his room looking at the picture of Lily that he managed to take without being killed.

She was beautiful. Her long, red, wavy hair that always fell in the most captivating ways. Her green eyes were the most…beautiful things ever. They always made him feel as if she knew so much more than people thought that she did. And that she went through so much more than many 17 year old's had by that point in their life. And he couldn't help but to want to make that haunted look in her eyes go away.

"Aw, does Jamesy-wamesy miss his Lily-Willy already?" came Sirius's teasing voice as he entered the room as if he was at home-which he was due to some personal matters and differences that he had with his family. He immediately noticed James staring at the picture of Lily that the messy haired boy kept next to his bed and smirked. He could never figure out why James loved that picture so much. All she did was sit under the tree and read. How boring was that? The only other thing that the picture would do was look up and frown a James. Although, Sirius must admit that the _real_ Lily would most likely do the same thing. And the hurl something at said boy.

"Sirius, I can barely last Christmas break without going insane. Its been a month already. What do _you_ think?" James asked with a sarcastic roll of his hazel eyes.

"Well, why don't you just owl her then?" Sirius demanded as he sprawled out on James' bed comfortably.

"Uh…Sirius, buddy, have you ever noticed that Lily tends to _yell_ every time I'm around her. Mainly at _me_? Or better yet, hexes me? Do you _honestly_ think that she'd accept a letter that comes from me? She doesn't care that its _me_ sending it. Actually," James added as an after thought. "She _does_ care that it's from me. I wonder why. I mean, she should be swooning over the fact that James Potter is _trying_ to court her!"

"Uh, James, you know, that's probably why she _doesn't _like you," Sirius informed his friend as he rolled his eyes at James' ego. Sometimes he wondered if he had an ego the size of James', but then he'd shrug the idea off, why would he be egotistical. _I **am** the hottest guy there after all. It's not ego if its true._

James frowned as he looked over at his best friend. As odd as it would sound, Sirius actually was starting to get a serious look on his face. And there were very _few_ things that could result in that look. "You okay, mate?" James asked with a frown as he watched Sirius look out his window in the dark sky.

Sirius gave out a tired sigh and nodded his head. "My lovely little brother decided that he needed to owl me to inform me that my loving mother," he spat out as if it was a filthy piece of dirt, "burned my uncles name from our family tapestry just because he didn't disown me when I announced that I'd _never_ be like her filthy little friends."

James sat in silence, not sure what to say in this sort of situation.

"I don't get it!" Sirius roared as he practically flew off the bed in anger. "How can I be related to those- those… those _fucking monsters!_" he demanded as he started pacing the room in angry movements. "All they care about is money and bloodlines! And neither should matter in life! Don't they realize that their so-called _Mudbloods_ are _better_ human beings than they could _ever_ even _try_ to be?"

James just sat there and watched his best friend pace as he thought about his life. He had never had to worry about that sort of stuff, coming from a rich auror family where they _fought_ for the safety of Muggle borns. His family never discriminated against someone because of their lineage. Only because of their personalities.

But Sirius was stuck with a family who believed anyone who didn't have a pure-pure blood family dating back generations, deserved to be slaughtered.

James thanked his lucky stars that Sirius didn't turn out that way.

"Hey, they're not your family anymore. You're a Potter now," James told him with a smirk. "Welcome to the family, brother," James announced as he got off his bed and walked towards his door.

"Now hurry up, we're going to go visit Grandmother," he announced as he walked out.

Sirius' face lit up at the mention of Grandmother Potter. Grinning, Sirius ran out the door after James.

"So, what kind of trouble have you two been getting into?" Harriet Potter asked as she looked at her grandsons with a twinkle in her eyes as she beat them at chest for the millionth time in their life.

"Oh, just the normal hair-splitting things that we usually do," James announced nonchalantly.

"Any new ideas yet?" she asked as she looked at the chest board as it re-stocked itself.

"We've been trying to plan our welcoming prank on Snape, but its our last year so it _has_ to be big. And we're stuck," Sirius announced grumpily.

"Well, I have a few ideas that you guys might be able to use. And I'm sure that Dumbledore would love to see this one performed," Harriet grinned, her green/gold eyes twinkling in laughter.

"Really now?" James asked with an excited spark in his own hazel eyes as Sirius leaned forward in anticipation. Harriet Potter had taught the Marauders all they knew, and he idolized her like no other.

"What is it?"

"Mother!" Nicholas interrupted as he strolled into the room with his wife Kelly on his arm. "Please don't get them into trouble at school before it even starts. That's a record for _any_ Potter to beat," he complained as he walked over to the couch besides his mothers chair and sat down, spreading his long legs out in front of him.

"But Nicholas dear, we have to set the standards higher for the _next_ generation, now don't we?" she asked in an innocent voice, causing her daughter in law to shake her head in laughter.

"Come on, Dad, let her tell us the prank!" James pleaded, looking into his fathers identical eyes.

"Like I'd be able to stop her," Nicholas snorted in disbelief.

"Right you are there boy-o," Harriet grinned, showing off a set of straight white teeth. Her _real_ teeth at that.

"Come on, Grandma!" James hurried, causing Harriet to laugh and in hushed tones tell the boys what her plan was.

"That was brilliant! Can you _imagine_ the look on Snape's face when he realizes what we've done to him?" Sirius snorted.

"This is going to be the best year ever!" James agreed happily as he walked into the library to pick up his game plan books for Quidditch.

Three days later, James stood silent, along with all of the others gathered, too sad- emotional, to talk. Grandma Potter was gone. Dead. Murdered. By Voldemort.

They had found her body stiff with fear sprawled out in her favorite chair inside of her house, wand dangling from her hands.

His favorite Grandmother was gone. She was the one who taught him his pranks. Taught him the spells needed, she was the one that he could always go to for revenge ideas. But not anymore. She was gone.

Just because she wouldn't join a stupid idiot who wants to rule the flipping world! James thought angrily. _You will pay for this. I don't care if it's the last thing that I do_, he silently swore as a single tear made it's way down his white cheek as he watched the mahogany casket lower into the ground, not even caring what the preacher said.

James thought angrily. , he silently swore as a single tear made it's way down his white cheek as he watched the mahogany casket lower into the ground, not even caring what the preacher said. 

All he could think of right now was how he wished that Lily could be there to hold him. That's all he needed. He didn't care if she hit him. All he wanted was ten minutes. Ten minutes to know peace from the emotions raging in him. Ten minutes so that he could sleep without dreams of Voldemort haunting him. Taunting him. But she wasn't here.

. . . You're as bad as he is . . . He couldn't stop replaying those words in his mind. He still couldn't believe that she even _compared_ him to _Snape!_ And he knew, that the girl of his dreams would probably always be that. The girl of his dreams.

He couldn't stop replaying those words in his mind. He still couldn't believe that she even him to And he knew, that the girl of his dreams would probably always be that. The girl of his dreams. 

"Hey mate," Sirius said softly as he rested a hand on James' shoulder. "Everyone's heading in."

"I'll be there in a little bit," James said in a hoarse voice as he snapped out of his thoughts, and focused his eyes on the newly turned ground.

"Alright." Was all that Sirius said as he threw a concerned look at James before turning around and heading up to the house.

James stood outside, not heeding the darkening sky, or the flashes of lightening, or rumbles of thunder, and simply looked at the headstone that now resided upon his Grandmothers grave. _Beloved Grandmother, Mother, and Friend. Faithful and true, every step of the way. Here lies Harriett Nichol Potter December 14, 1900 – August 2, 1985._

James wasn't sure how long he stood outside staring at nothing, remembering all the times that he had with his Grandmother, but by the time he started towards the house, all the lights were lit inside, illuminating it, making it stand out from the pitch black that surrounded him.

He didn't want to go inside and deal with his weeping Mother, although he loved her dearly, he'd truly rather be void of all emotions, nor did he want to deal with his grieving Father, who made him feel the loss of his Grandmother all the more intensely. And the rest of the family could bugger off for all he cared. All they were waiting for was the reading of the will to see if any of them got her mansion, or better yet, if they got her fortune.

James made it up to his room before he heard footsteps. Which meant, that someone was coming to talk to him, and he was right, because seconds later he heard a knock on the door. "James, honey?" his Mothers cracked and broken voice sounded through the door.

"Yea?" he grunted as he rolled onto his back so that he could see his Mother when she walked in. And surly enough, she did.

"These just came," she explained in a soft voice, scared that if she talk any louder that she'd lapse into another bout of sobbing, as she handed James the two letters that she held in her shaking hand.

James took the letters from her and opened one. "Looks like I need to go into Diagon Alley soon," he said in a monotone voice as he dropped his letter on his bed and opened the next envelope, which felt a little bit bumpy to him, but he over looked the fact.

James read thirteen of the words on the page before his eyes widened larger than saucers. _We are pleased to inform you that you are this years Head Boy . . . _"Mum?" James squeaked as he handed over the piece of paper.

Kelly read over the paper before gasping. My son. Head _Boy_! What in the word of Merlin was Albus Dumbledore _thinking_! "Oh Merlin on a Hill . . ." she muttered in a shocked voice.

Mother and son looked at each other, expressions mirroring each other before they both started to laugh. This _had_ to be a joke. Now way in hell could James William Potter be Head Boy! He hadn't even been a _prefect!_

Ten minutes later, they were wiping their eyes from the tears suppressing the occasional laugh. Then, they both happened to look down on the black and gold comforter – the gold was in fact snitches flying around – and they both simultaneously choked on what was left of their laughter. It wasn't a joke. The Head Boy badge lay on his bed, shinning up at him, taunting him.

"Oh my God, James," his Mother choked. "Who'd you threaten to hex?"

"I don't know!" he said in a shocked voice as he continued to stare at the badge as if it was going to sprout legs and start doing the hokey-pokey.

"Well then," Kelly huffed before giving her son a hug. "Congratulations then."

"Are you _sure_ that that letter has James Potter written on it?" he wondered as he looked over the heading. Yep. It was him alright.

"Wow." Was all that could be said.

How in all hell could Dumbledore be this stupid? James wondered, still half way convinced that this was all a joke. Maybe Sirius had been bored or something.

James looked at the badge and poked it, just to make sure that it _wasn't _going to do the hokey-pokey and spray him in the face with un-removable purple and pink ink.

Nope. All it did was move on his bed.

James laid in bed later that night staring at the picture next to his bed, thinking. She was probably going to be the Head Girl this year, which meant that he would be around her constantly. But in all truth, he was dwelling on the fact that he highly doubted that he'd be able to put up with Lily constantly putting him down.

"Just let her see me for who I am," he whispered into the empty, quite room.

Just as James fell asleep, a star twinkled brightly in the sky.

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Authors Notes:

Here you guys go! Enjoy and review! It has a little bit of a new scene in here so I hope you enjoyed. I'm trying to make it to where its not as boring and predictable for those of you who have already read this story. So maybe you'll be tempted to read anyways.

Anyways, review!

Always,

Mistress del Mare


	3. 2

**__**

Is It Worth It?

Reposted:06.10.05

Chapter 2

The last weeks of Summer Break passed by quickly for James, who to the dismay of Sirius, was becoming much more silent, and brooding. He hardly acted like the old James.

He would just sit there and look through albums, or stare at his walls until he fell asleep. It was worrying him.

As they boarded the Hogwarts Express, Sirius gave a prayer to Merlin for James to turn – even a little bit! – back into himself.

"Hey Moony-boy!" Sirius chirped as he saw his other mate, Remus Lupin.

The lanky sandy blonde male looked over from heaving his trunk onto the train and looked into the chocolate brown eyes of one of his best friends, Sirius Black. "Hey Sirius, James," he greeted with a slight smile before stepping onto the train.

James and Sirius followed suit.

After settling down in a compartment, the trio began telling what happened over their summer. Even James opened up a little bit and told Remus about what happened to his Grandmother.

"Hi guys!" came the high picked squeak as a overly large male with thin, stringy brown hair, and a sickly complexion walked into the compartment and sat down next to Sirius.

"Hullo, Wormtail," James greeted absently. He never really liked being around Peter, but always felt a little sorry for the smaller boy.

After rounds of 'Hello' went around, Peter – Wormtail – began filling the other three boys in on his summer holidays.

"Shit!" James exclaimed as he noticed that the train had begun to move. He was supposed to be in the heads compartment! "I have to go to the Head's compartment!" was his quick explanation before he bolted out of the door and ran to the front of the train, leaving behind a stunned Remus.

"He made Head Boy?" he asked Sirius, sounding a little bit jealous of James.

"Yea. Creepy huh?" Sirius asked with a shudder.

"Yea," came the sullen reply.

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Lily sighed as she looked at the gleaming red train that had '_Hogwarts Express'_ engraved on the side in big gold letters. This was going to be the last year that she ever saw the train again. It was truly a saddening thought.

"It's going to be weird, isn't it," came the light voice of Lily Evans best and _only_ friend, Isabella Edwards from behind her, "to know that this is our _last_ year at this place?"

Lily smiled a small smile, and remembered when she first saw the train. She was so terrified. Having just recently found out that she was a witch, she didn't know what to do, and to Lily Evans, not knowing what to do was like a person who's scared of snakes being stuck in a tank with a thousand of them (**_I'd die if I was stuck with snakes. Hate the things. I'd make a bad Slytherin! Lol_**). She hated not knowing what to do. It left her too vulnerable to things. She always felt like she had to better at magic than everyone else, because she grew up around Muggles. She felt as if she had to prove to people that she _was_ worthy of being a witch.

Like the first time she had had sex, she felt incredibly stupid for not knowing what to do. Or when she became- _no!_ Lily's mind demanded, cutting off her line of thoughts.

She hated thinking about anything to do with her … mistake . It always made her realize how much she missed being who she really was. Open, opinionated, loud, fun, and most of all, she missed dancing. Dancing – of every type – made her feel so free. It was like when she was dancing, all she had to do was close her eyes and forget about everything. Forget that she has a sister who despises her very existence, family members who are too scared to go anywhere near her in fear that she'd hex off some body parts, and disfigure them somehow. Or some who she didn't even have the courage to tell. She could forget everything, and anything. But, she no longer allowed herself that freedom. She didn't trust herself to do what's right. She _couldn't _trust herself to do what was right. Not after that summer.

She _had_ been drunk. She'd admit that, but still, she could have simply drank water, and could have _still_ gotten drunk because of some guy who wanted to take advantage of her drunk state. She knew that guys did that, but the fact was, she knowingly drank the alcohol. And, she had been too hazy-minded and thrilled from dancing and drinking that she ended up making a very bad choice. And the fact was, even if she hadn't have been drunk there had still been a chance that she would have done something with him. But she usually ended up doing _something_ with her male dance partners. And she couldn't take that chance. She couldn't trust guys. _Especially guys on the dance floor. They just want the hottest thing there to feel up and take home. _ she thought with a glare.

"Lily?" Isabella questioned for the third time. "_Lily!_" she finally gave up and screamed.

"Huh? What? Oh," Lily said as she saw her friend stare at her, frustration glowing in her gray eyes as she stood on the crowded platform waiting for her friend to notice her surroundings. "Sorry. I was just thinking."

Isabella shook her head, making her elbow length black hair fall into her eyes. "I was saying that we should head for the train before it decides to leave without us," she smiled, showing her straight white teeth off.

"Oh," Lily laughed, and smiled at her friend while she took a good look at her for the first time that day. As always, Bella looked stunning. Today, she was wearing a pair of tight black pants, and a gray scoop neck sweater that brought out the color of her eyes, and made her tan look a bit darker than it truly was. "You look wonderful, as always," she complimented as they started towards the red engine together.

"Thanks. And you look as if you want to go back to looking as you used to," Bella declared as they handed over their trolleys to a man who was loading them onto the train.

"That's because I am. But I can't let that happen. And you know that." Lily told her with a sad smile as she stepped up into the train.

"This thing still hasn't changed," Bella commented as she noticed that the train still held the tan plush carpet, the gleaming oak walls, and the frosted compartment windows with gold edging.

"No, I guess it hasn't, has it?"

"Anyways, shouldn't you be heading to the Heads compartment?" Bella wondered as they headed towards their usual seats on the train.

"Yea, I should, but I don't really want to. They didn't tell me who my partner was, and my luck, its probably Malfoy. Stupid prat," Lily said with a scowl.

Lucius Malfoy. Aristocratic pureblood who believed that all people like Lily – Muggle born, and muggles – should be destroyed for the sake of wizarding kind. He was extremely cocky,

and rude. To everybody.

"Even you have to admit that he's better than Potter," Bella told her friend as she crossed her

legs at her ankles and placed them on the seat across from her, next to Lily's thighs.

"Actually," Lily drawled pensively. "I don't know which one is better. Here's one who'd probably kill me in my sleep if he wouldn't get sent to prison, and then on the other hand there's Potter, who would rather _do_ me than kill me."

Bella laughed. "Yes, I see your problem. You have a total stud after you, and a prat wanting to kill you. Yes, of all of the hard choices in the world Lily, you have the hardest of them all!" She told her friend in a sarcastic voice.

"James Potter is _not_ a stud! Eww," she mocked shuddered. But in truth, Lily thought that James William Potter was more than a stud. He was a God in his own right. With his jet black messy hair that gave him that just out of bed look that he always had to ruin by ruffling it up constantly, lazy, and usually cloudy, hazel eyes, a strong baby soft face – that she only knew was soft due to hitting him – and his long, muscled body, he definitely lived up to the term God. Adonis.

And his eyes could always make heat puddle at the center of her body. With just one look from those eyes, she wanted to melt, and be his. But she never let herself give in. Even before her decision of celibacy. It always scared her how much he could affect her body like that. Which was why she had always turned him down when he asked her out.

"Whatever Lily. You know that you like him. I can see it in your eyes." Bella declared

knowingly with a smirk.

Lily huffed, knowing that she couldn't win that argument. She had made the mistake a year ago to give in a get drunk with Bella and she had told her about her so called 'crush' on James. "Fine. I better get to the Head's compartment though. The train has started to move." Lily announced as she stood up and brushed off her butt in case anything transferred itself on to the back of her white pants.

"Okay. I'll see you at the feast then!" Bella chirped as she rested her head on the window and shut her eyes, ready to take a nap.

Lily glared at her friend. "You just want me out of here so that you can sleep don't you?" she accused.

"No! Of course not!" Bella lied. Ever since Bella had found out what it was like to have her heart broken, she became close to Lily. Sometimes that could be the best thing possible, and then, at times like this, it could be the worse. Lily could _always_ find out the reasoning of things. And if she found out that she wanted to sleep because she had decided to try to get Tyler to talk to her again all night, Lily would be _pissed_. And a pissed Lily could make the whole Hogwarts castle fall down.

Lily gave a glare at her friend. "You saw him again." She growled, her emerald green eyes flashing dangerously. "_How **stupid** are you! Don't you know that he's just going to fucking hurt you again?_" Lily whispered darkly.

Uh oh, Bella thought. It was worse when Lily didn't scream. If she wasn't screaming, that meant that Lily was really _really_ mad. _But who the hell does she think that she is telling me what to do! _"Lily! You can't tell me what to do or who to see!" Bella tried. In all truth, she got tired of Lily trying to tell her not to do things. So what, it wasn't her fault that she fell in love with Tyler! There was nothing that she could do about it! "It's not my fault that you lost your baby Lily! So _stop _– " Bella started, then immediately shut up.

All anger drained from Lily's eyes and face, only to be replaced by a look of betrayal. "I

never thought that you'd throw that in my face Isabella. And I know that it's my fault. It was all my fault. And I never blamed you," she insisted softly before turning for the door and walking away, leaving a guilty looking Bella in her wake.

"I'm so sorry Lily," Bella whispered hoarsely before she fell to the floor and sobbed as she realized what had just happened. "I didn't mean it. Please don't leave me too. Please. You're all I have. You're my family. The only family I have."

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Lily sat in the soft cushions of a couch that was placed in the Head's compartment and sighed. That was the first time that Bella had ever thrown that in her face. _I can't believe that she thinks that I blame her._ Lily sobbed internally. She couldn't let her emotions show though. Not ever. She couldn't let people know how much it hurt to know that her best friend said that to her. That her best friend _thought_ that.

No, Lily Evans couldn't risk showing her emotions to people.

I hate my life; Lily thought as she stared outside the window and watched the scenery pass

her by. The bright green fields, that aging trees, the shimmering blue lakes. But she didn't see any of it.

She couldn't help but realize that she was totally alone now. Without Bella, she had no one. Her parents thought that she was their _'prefect little angel'_ and thought that she could do no wrong. Most children would love to have that, but to Lily, it was suffocating. All she wanted to do was run out of her house screaming whenever they started to brag about her. And her sister? That was a laugh in the face. Petunia would rather live her life as a toad than to even consider the _thought_ of caring for Lily. No, Lily had no one without Bella. All of the 'friends' she had previous to her pregnancy she no longer associated herself with. She always believed that if you couldn't trust someone to be there in a time of need that you are just wasting your time. And Lily couldn't - and wouldn't have - trusted any of the people that she had talked to or hung around in her time of need. Only Bella.

Lily sighed deeply and rested her forehead against the cold window. Her head was starting to hurt, and her eyes were stinging with unshed tears. All she wanted right now was to sleep. But she knew that she couldn't do that incase on of the students were in trouble.

"Life fucking sucks," she told herself in a harsh voice as she banged her head once on the

window.

"Doesn't it though?" came a hesitant voice from the doorway.

Lily's eyes shot open, and her head whipped around to stare at the person who had entered the compartment.

It **couldn't** be. Could it!

"What in all hell are you doing in here?" Lily demanded as she stood up and glared at James Potter.

James looked at the woman in front of him and sighed. It was hard seeing the one that you are hopelessly in love with standing in front of you glaring at you, when all you want them to do is to hold you. Feeling the tears in his eyes again, for they never seemed far away anymore, James turned his head away from the flashing green eyes that always pierced his heart with the death glares that they aimed towards him.

"I'm here so that I may do my duty," he informed her in a dull voice. "Or didn't you know Lily? I'm the Head Boy."

Lily's eyes lost their glare and widened considerably, and her jaw dropped in shock. "W-w-_What!_" she hissed.

"Believe what you want, but it's true. It looks like hell froze over for you Lily. You have to deal with me now."

Lily scrutinized James through narrow eyes. Why wasn't he gloating? Why wasn't he _flirting_? Then, as if a light bulb suddenly got flicked on, Lily realized. It's a _joke_. Surly Dumbledore wasn't _that_ crazy.

Then Lily remembered the pink hair that Dumbledore had sported for a couple of months during her fifth year, and seeing him chase a chocolate frog down the corridors last year, telling everyone that he passed that he'd give them detention if they touched his frog. Yes, Dumbledore might be the single most brilliant wizard left on the planet, but he was also the single most. . . eccentric wizard on the planet too.

"Oh my Merlin. Is it true?" Lily wondered out loud. Could James _really_ be her partner?

"Look Lily, I know that you don't like the idea of having to be anywhere near me, but it's true. And I would say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. But I can promise you that if you want me to, I'll stay as far away from you as I can," James announced with a hitch to his voice. She could never know how much it hurt him to say that. What the stings aimed at his heart felt like. Everything was just becoming too much for him.

Lily studied James closely. He was. . . _different_ from last year. He didn't have that air of confidence around him, he wasn't messing around with his hair, and he didn't have that damned snitch out of his pocket. It was almost as if he had . . . _matured_ during the holidays. Lily inwardly laughed at that idea. It was safer thinking that he was the conceited, arrogant, ass that he had always been. But –

But, she did have to work with him, and she'd rather not be fighting with him around the clock. And she could handle herself around him if it came to that. She had done so since third year. She could do it for another year. Couldn't she? Yes, she could. She had done it for the past three years. She was a pro at it.

Yes, but you've never lived alone with him in a different part of the castle as everyone else, have you? Part of her was asking as she told James these simple words; "Don't stay away."

James was, to say the least, shocked from what Lily had just sad. Maybe he heard wrong.

He _had _given her the perfect chance to get rid of him after all, yet she didn't take it. She had told him to _stay_.

That was a first. Usually she was telling him to "Go kiss Snape." James shivered in disgust as he tried to think of _any_one kissing that grease ball.

Confused by what was happening, James silently sat down on the seat across from Lily, and looked at her. Something that he had noticed as soon as he walked into the compartment was nagging him now. _Why does she look so sad?_ He wondered as he looked at the dull emerald green eyes that were void of nearly all emotions but one. Grief.

James contemplated asking Lily what was wrong, but figured that that might be pushing his luck. _It's not like she actually trusts me_, he thought sourly. Nobody could ever understand how much it hurt to know that the one person that you'd give your life and more for refuses to trust you. But James could understand. He lived with that feeling everyday of his life. Because there was no way that Lily Evans would ever trust James Potter. She had said so herself the year before.

James sat through the rest of the train ride silently, thinking to himself.

And in the back of his head, he thought to himself, _this has to be the quietest train ride I have ever been on._

He couldn't get his mind of his grandmother though. He was having a hard time dealing with her death, and was trying - and failing - on going back to being _half_ way normal. But it wasn't working. He knew that Sirius was worried about him, but he couldn't help it. He had been so close to her, and now, she wasn't there. He didn't even want to play the prank that she had been talking about the night before she died. He _couldn't_ for some reason.

And _that_ scared him to hell.

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**__**

Authors Notes:

Not much is different in this one. And I don't think that I'll be adding a lot of scenes til the latter chapters- one's that make the sequel a little more understandable. So yea. Anyways, I hope that you guys liked! Sorry it took so long to repost this, I've been working up a storm and I had to get read for graduation so yea.

Anyways, **Review! **I

Happy Readings!

Mistress de lmare


	4. 3

****

Is It Worth It?

Chapter 2

Reposted 06.16.05

"So did my lil Prongise get lucky on the way to school?" Sirius chirped happily as he plopped into the seat next to James at the Gryffindor table.

"So did my lil Padfooty get lucky on the way to school?" James mimicked with a smirk and a shake of his head. He was starting to feel a little bit better, being back at school was oddly enough comforting him in ways that being at home hadn't. And, he and Lily had shared a "moment" on the train - that was enough to make him smile!

"Of course!" Sirius exclaimed, looking as if suggesting otherwise was the biggest crime.

"Who?" Remus asked as he slid into a seat across from James, and next to Peter, who had been the first person in the Hall in hopes that the food might appear quicker.

"Jessica Hollands," Sirius exclaimed triumphantly.

James looked at his best friend in shock. "How the hell did you manage _that_!" he managed to get out, after regaining the muscles in his jaw. Jessica Hollands was the declared virgin of Hogwarts. She had stated in her second year that she would remain a virgin until she was married. And she had managed to apparently get on the train to her final year at school before that motion was thrown away.

"I must say, it took me the best part of five minutes to charm her, but man, was it worth it!" Sirius told them before looking around the hall, already making a list of the girls that he'd seduce into his bed by the end of the first term.

"But did you get lucky with Evans?" Sirius questioned coyly as he looked at James from the corner of his eye, already knowing the answer.

"You are honestly disturbed if you think that I will ever allow Potter to get _lucky_ with me Black," Lily sneered as she passed the group of pranksters. "And I will give you one single warning. If I see the hint of any prank during the Welcome Feast, you will all be very sorry."

"We will, will we?" Sirius grinned. "What, is little Miss Prefect Evans going to do something about it?"

"Yes, in fact, Little Miss Prefect Evans," she mimicked, "is going to do something about it. Like maybe a celibacy spell for you Black. We'll have to see how you like that one, won't we?"

At the thought of having no sex for any amount of time, Sirius turned a sickly pale color and shut up. "Y-You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" he asked in a small, terrified voice. He couldn't imagine not being able to get intimate with females. It was unheard of!

"Try to ruin the feast, and see." Lily dared before walking off.

As soon as Lily turned away, Remus and James laughed, and Peter, being the clueless guy that he was just chuckled along with them.

"Did you see his face!" James gasped, holding his side where a snitch had formed.

"I know!" Remus laughed.

"Sirius buddy, I do believe that you've met your match," James gasped, still recovering from his laughing bout.

Sirius simply glared at his friends before crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back. It wasn't until he slipped out of the bench and landed on his back that Sirius remembered that there were no backings on the seats in the Great Hall. "Ouch," he mumbled as he stood up and gingerly rubbed his bum.

James rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Oh shut up! You've done the same thing like. . . a million times!" Sirius said, trying to defend himself.

Just as James opened his mouth to respond, a large group of terrified looking first years walked through the large doors that rested on the far end of the hall, led by a stern looking Professor McGonagall.

The Sorting Hat, as usual, had a new song to sing, making James wonder for the sixth year in a row if that's all the hat did during the year.

After what seemed like hours, but was really only thirty minutes, Gryffindor received 6 first years, while Ravenclaw received 14, Hufflepuff 12, and Slytherin 8.

"Now then," came the raspy voice of the graying Headmaster. Dumbledore had to be the single most respected wizard known to date, and could be the Minister of Magic if he so wished, but instead remained at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the position of a Headmaster, saying that he did the community better teaching than ruling. "A few rules to live by for the next year. The Forbidden Forest is not to be ventured upon," he informed the school, looking straight at James and his group, who all looked back at him with innocent eyes. "And, Mr. Filch has requested that I inform you all that wands are _not_ to be used in the corridors, and all joke supplies are to be left out of the halls. And with that said, I'll introduce you all to your Heads. Will Lily Po-Evans and James Potter please stand up?" he requested, stumbling over Lily's last name. "They will always be available for the students if you have a question, or need advice. You two may sit down, but before you do, please note that after the Feast is through I need to see you before you go on your way to the Gryffindor Tower. With that done, music. Music is the greatest magic that there is, so will all of you stand up, pick your key and we will sing the school song!" the crazy old man announced gleefully.

After a deafening three minutes, everybody finished their song and sat down.

"And for a word of wisdom, in this time of great dispute, know that the greatest reward in life, is love and friendship. These are also the _strongest_ bonds in life. Tuck in," he said as only Dumbledore could and gestured towards the tables as they filled with countless numbers of delectable foods.

The plates had barely even touched the table before Peter had his plate full, and was stuffing his face.

"That is plain disgusting Peter," Remus grimaced as he saw the piece of chicken skin hanging from the corner of his mouth.

Sirius looked up from his plate to Peter and rolled his eyes. "He is right Wormy. Not even _I_ eat like that!"

"I dunno Sirius. Sometimes it's awfully close to that," James commented as he cut up his food and took a bite of it.

"Hey! I resent that!" Sirius huffed before stuffing his mouth with food.

"So," Remus drawled after swallowing a drink of pumpkin juice. "What will our prank for the feast be?"

"Oh no!" Sirius yelled, jumping out of his seat with wide eyes. "I'm not going to risk it! Oh no. Girls are too important to me!"

"Glad to know that you actually listen to something Black!" Came the gloating voice of Lily from down the table a few seats.

Sirius glared in her direction, and stuck his tongue out at her when he saw the laughter sparkling in her green eyes.

"You're so _mature_ Padfoot," Remus laughed, noticing the mirth behind Sirius' brown eyes.

"I know! It's _such_ a hardship too, Moony!"

"Sirius, will you sit down already? You're making my head hurt. And your food's getting cold," came James's voice as he rubbed his neck, which was getting stiff from craning his neck backwards to look at Sirius.

"Jamesie-Wamsie, your head _always_," Sirius started, but quickly remembered the last part of James's sentence. "My _food!_" he yelped as he quickly plopped down on the bench and began eating. "Ouch," was all he mumbled when his butt hit the hard wood of the bench, causing James to laugh, and Remus to shake his head, and Peter to look around questioningly before returning to his third serving of food.

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After all of the food was gone, and the prefects had shown the first years the way to their dormitories, James and Lily were on their way towards their new housing area.

"Well then, here we are," Dumbledore announced as he stopped in front of a picture of a field of fairies.

One of the fairies, one with pink hair, white skin, and pink wings and clothes, flew up to the front of the painting, and in a voice that sounded as if it belonged to a girl of three, asked for the password.

"Sugar Quills," Dumbledore told the painting with a smile. The pink fairy giggled girlishly and the painting swung open on silent hinges.

"Well, here you two are, you'll find everything to your liking hopefully. I'll need to see you two up in my office before your first class starts tomorrow morning, so please, do remember," Professor Dumbledore told them before turning around and heading towards his quarters. "Oh, and before I forget, please do try to show a good example of unity in front of the students," was all he said before he disappeared around a corner.

Lily blushed at the reprimand. She knew that she tended to get a little violent towards James, and felt a little bad about it. She didn't know where this sudden guilt came from, nor this sudden … pull she felt towards the tall dark headed teenager, but she had a feeling that she should really give him a chance once and for all.

Lily looked around the common room with raised eyebrows. It was supremely elegant, even for a Hogwarts room. The walls were painted a light blue and were trailed by silver trimmings, it also had a warm, cozy look with the soft looking tan couches and arm chairs. And one wall, the one that lay opposite of the entrance, was filled full of bookshelves, that were much to Lily's delight filledwith books on various subjects. She couldn't wait to get started on the collection. A fireplace lay on another wall, and aboveit hunga picture of what Lily assumed was a dragon. But she couldn't really tell seeing as some of it was hidden by tree trunks. And on the wall opposite of the fireplace, stood two staircases that made Lily think of the days when men would have to marry girls if they even saw their ankles. Because that's what the staircases were once used for. They were situated on opposite walls, and curled into each other at the top of the landing, leading to their rooms. Lily's was on the right, and James's was on the left. And in the middle of the two rooms was the bathroom that the two would have to share.

"Well, then, I'll just leave you to your precious booksseeing as I already know that you don't want me anywhere near you," James's bitter voice sounded, interrupting Lily's inspection of the bookshelf.

"Why do you always have to do that?" Lily demanded as she fisted her hands and placed them on her hips, looking as if she was an angry housewife without the rolling pin to bop her husband over the head with.

"Do what?" James asked mentally shaking his head to get rid of the picture of Lily standing in the kitchen with a rolling pin as she glared at him. _Lily will never be in **your** kitchen Potter, so don't worry about the harm she could do._ He instructed himself.

"Make assumptions like that. Here I was trying to be nice to you, and you go and make me sound like I'm the most inconsiderate person alive," she informed him with an icy tone.

"It wasn't an assumption Lily, it's what you always say to me. Sorry if I find it hard to believe that this year will be any different!" James growled out. This woman was so confusing! Every year previous she would always tell him, _Go away. I'm doing something that is a lot more productive than talking to **you**_. Can she honestly blame him for trying to get out of the room before she could fire another round of knives at his heart?

Lily sighed and slumped her shoulders. She could go with one of two choices. She could be somewhat nice to him, and risk him breaking her vow to herself, or, she could spend an entire year watching her back, poking at her bed to make sure that nothing would happen to her while she sleep, and continue to think up new insults.

Is it worth it? She wondered. _Is being nice to him, and possibly opening up to him worth it? I mean, it does seem as if he has changed somewhat this year. You've been around him for a total of at least four hours, and he hasn't even hit on you **once** yet! Who knows Lily, maybe he took your advice over the summer and became more bearable to be around._

She wondered. 

Lily sighed, having the feeling that she was about to do something that would change her life forever. And the worst part was, she couldn't tell if it was going to be for the better or not. "I'm sorry," she told him softly, missing the shocked look in his eyes that quickly turned to hope, which was quickly masked.

"It's okay Lily," James whispered as he held out his hand. "Truce? For this year at least?"

Lily looked at the offered hand for a couple of seconds before hesitantly placing her hand in his. "Truce," she said. She couldn't help but notice how soft his hands were for being the star Chaser of Gryffindors Quidditch team. It made her wonder how they'd feel on her skin. With a jolt, Lily came crashing down from dream land and quickly dropped James's hand._What have I done!_ She cried to herself as she hastily bid James good night and headed up to her room.to her room.

James gazed at Lily's retreating back with a frown. _What'd I do to make her run this time?_

He wondered as he heard her door close with a resounding click.

James sighed and moved the hand that Lily had dropped up to his hair, about to run through his black tresses before pausing. He couldn't help but remember how perfect Lily's hand seemed to fit in his, how soft it was, and how strong it was at the same time.

You gave me hope tonight Lily. He thought as he made his way to his room. _Maybe, just maybe, we will be able to experience true love together._

He thought as he made his way to his room. 

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James laid in bed and stared up at ceiling. He was confused, he was sad, and he couldn't sleep.

He couldn't figure out what he had done to make Lily freak out like she had, he couldn't help but think about his grandmother, and due to _both_ of these thoughts, he couldn't go to sleep.

He couldn't believe that he had finally gotten a truce between him and Lily. Maybe now something could happen between the two of them.

And Lily reminded him in so many ways of his grandmother in so many ways that when he got her irritated, and her eyes would flash, and the tone of her voice.

"I miss you, Grams, I wish you were here to hear about this," he whispered into the night as he rolled over on his side and tried to fall asleep.

Unknowing to him, there was a spirit lingering in the room. This spirit was smiling slightly as she looked upon the young man on the bed.

"Cheer up, Jamie, live life, be happy, and cherish your love," the woman whispered softly as she gazed down at the man and slowly disappeared from the room.

James opened his eyes with a frown. He could have sworn that he had just heard his grandmother talking to him.

"Must be more tired than I thought," he muttered with a shake of his head as he took off his glasses and laid them on the nightstand as he started to drift off to sleep finally.

**ºoºoºoºoºoºoº**

Lily rolled over on to her stomach with a groan. It was already one in the morning, classes were tomorrow, and she _couldn't_ go to sleep! And it was all thanks to a dark-haired God.

She couldn't believe what she felt with a simple touch of his hand. She was scared of what she felt. The tiniest touch of his hand, and she wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go. And she felt something that she had never felt in a guy before. Something that she hadn't felt from anything in a few years. Security. She felt safe when she was around James Potter, and that scared her more than anything. _If he can affect me like that with one single touch, who's to say that I won't react to anything else? _She fretted. _I knew that this was a bad decision! But I can't break it. I promised myself that I'd try. And I don't break promises. But, maybe, just maybe I could get him to not want to be around me,_ she thought. If she could make James not want to be around her, then she wasn't really breaking the promise to herself at all. _God, you can be brilliant at times!_ She told herself in ways of congratulations.

Lily sighed for what had to be the ten-millionth time since she walked into her room and once again _tried_ to fall asleep. But, like all of her previous attempts, it wasn't happening.

"At this rate I'm going to be sleeping next year" she groaned in frustration, flopped onto her back, and stared up at the white canopy above her bed. She absolutely loved her room. The sheets on the bed were a silky emerald green, while the comforter was a glittery white material, and fell over the King sized bed with material to spare. The room had white carpet everywhere, and two green sitting chairs the same colour as her sheets were arranged in front of her fireplace, which had a picture of fairies playing hide-and-go-seek in a forest during the night time. Then, to her at least, the best part of the room was the bookshelves. There was enough room on them to house her entire book collection, which was amazing considering that the shelves were only on one of the walls. The bathroom as Lily found out, hosted all of her clothes. Along with James's.

"Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to _sleep,_" Lily began to chant softly as she yawned, making tears form in her eyes.

She couldn't stop thinking, and it was driving her crazy. She didn't want to think! If she wanted to think she'd read!

"I want my Mommy," she groaned as she snuggled down into the blankets.

After counting at least fifty sheep jumping over the giant squid, Lily finally fell off into dream land.

**ºoºoºoºoºoº**

**Authors Notes:**

Here you guys go! I hope you enjoyed! Sorry about the delay, but I should be starting on the next chapter as soon as I post this, cuz I'm really bored. then _if I'm still bored I think that I might start on Missing Dreams. We'll see. _

Oh, and I'm not going to be reposting Til the Dawn of Tomorrow because I no longer have the documents. But I might end up doing what I did to this story, except it'd be completely different because it'd be a whole new story. So we'll see.

Oh, and someone told me that I should have the two of them argue and James reveal all of his feelings to Lily. I think that I'm actually going to add that into one of my chapters, so thank you for the idea!

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed! Review please!

**Happy Readings!**

**Lisa**


	5. 4

_**Is It Worth It?**_

_**Chapter 4**_

_**Reposted On: **07.03.05_

It seemed as if Lily had just managed to fall asleep when she heard the irritating sound of her alarm going off. "Gahway," she groggily ordered. Figuring that since this is the magical world and all that she might be lucky and get an alarm clock that would be voice commanded. No such luck.

Just as Lily was able to ignore the sound of the alarm and go back to sleep, she heard the sound of someone knocking on her door.

"Lily? Are you up?" came the hesitant voice of James through the door.

"Yes!" she snapped as she opened her eyes to glare at the door.

"Oh." James muttered as he stood outside her bedroom door and just stared at the wood work. "I just thought that you'd like to know that breakfast is over in a hour," he told her as he leaned against the doorjamb and looked down at the stone floor as if it held some interest from him.

"I'll be down." She mumbled just loud enough for him to hear through the door.

James smiled to himself. Maybe last night wasn't totally a dream. Maybe she actually will give him a chance. With his hands in his pockets, and a light, cheery tune to his whistling, James practically skipped down to the Gryffindor Tower to wait for his friends so that they could go to breakfast together.

5

Lily groaned as she shifted herself to the side of the bed so that she would get up and get ready. Except she was a little comfortable with her legs hanging over the side of the bed as they were.

"Get _up_!" she ordered softly as she yawned.

"Ugh. I don't want to go to school, Mommy," she whined as she forced herself to sit up. She opened her blurry green eyes and squinted them against the harsh, unforgiving morning light.

5

"Hey Padfoot!" James grinned as he saw his best bud lounging on the vibrant red sofa that was in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room.

"Prongise my boy! Does this mean we can eat!" he asked excitedly as he jumped up from the sofa and started to jump up and down while clapping his hands. "Food! Food! We must have food!" he chanted while interlocking his elbow with James's and grabbed Remus as he was walking down the stairs and made his way (jumping) down to the Great Hall.

"What's with him?" James shouted over Sirius's off-key singing while he skipped along with him. It was either that, or end up tripping over your own feet. And as James really didn't want to embarrass himself that way, he decided that he'd rather skip.

"I don't know!" Remus shouted back as he tried to keep pace with Sirius. "I think that he's on a sugar rush!"

"Sugar!" Sirius shouted and abruptly stopped, causing Remus and James to fall on their bums because Sirius was holding them back.

"Ow," Remus exclaimed as he gingerly rubbed his bum.

"Really." James said as he agreed with Remus and looked at Sirius. "What was with that!"

"Where's sugar," he asked in a hissing whisper, looking over his shoulders to see if he could find anything with sugar in it.

"Oh, no," Remus and James moaned. Sirius was in one of his three year old moods. Which meant, pranks galore, sugar, jumping, and clapping.

"Sugar, sugar, sugar!" Sirius began to chant.

"Oh, will you shut up!" came the testy voice of Lily Evans as she stepped out from a hall way and came face-to-face with James. "Er… hi," she squeaked. "Sorry about this morning."

"Oh, don't worry about it!" James happily told her.

"Oh," drawled Sirius. "You two got shagged last night!"

Lily blushed bright red, and glared at Sirius. Must he always think that everything was about shagging!

James on the other hand, was secretly disappointed that his best buddy wasn't right. He really wanted to know what Lily Evans looked like underneath her clothes.

"No we didn't!" came two voices at once, one vexed, and the other sounding a little bit . . . sad.

"Too bad!" Sirius chirped. "Now then, onward!" he exclaimed as he pointed his right arm forward as if it was a sword, and headed towards the Great Hall.

"What in the world is wrong with that boy?" Lily asked Remus and James as they stepped through the doors leading into the Great Hall, causing many eyes to swing their way.

James Potter and Lily Evans were stepping through the door at the same time, without Lily Evans beheading James Potter. It was a miracle! Or so the population of Hogwarts thought. It was more than a miracle, it was a blessing. And they wouldn't realize it for _years_ to come.

"What are you all staring at! Eat!" Lily hissed as she noticed all of the eyes fixated on her. She hated being the center of attention.

"You seem bossy this morning," came the sleepy voice of Bella.

Lily turned around slowly to see the blood shot eyes of her best friend. She wasn't sure, for the first time during their friendship, of what to say. She didn't want to lose her best friend, and she didn't know how to tell her that she didn't blame her for anything. So, she just stood there, looking down at her shoes as if they were the most captivating things around. "Yea, well. Rough night," she sighed.

"Oh." was all that Bella could think to say. The two girls stood in front of the Great Hall, an uncomfortable silence hanging over them, and both looking anywhere but at each other.

"I'm sorry!" they both cried at the same time, not able to take the silence any more.

Not noticing that James, Sirius, and Remus were still standing there looking at the two of them with confused faces, Lily continued.

"I'm sorry Bella! I don't blame you for what happened! I really don't. I mean, it's because I was stupid enough to trust him that I lost it. You didn't have anything to do with it. And I'm so sorry that you thought that I blamed you!" Lily cried, tears flowing down her cheeks.

James looked at his two best friends with a frown, only to see his expression mirrored in their faces. _What could she be talking about? _James wondered.

"No Lily, I'm the one whose sorry. I shouldn't have thrown it in your face like that. I didn't mean too, really. It's just that I was still hurt, and I wanted someone else to hurt too, and … I'm so sorry!" Bella contradicted.

"Friends?" Lily sniffled.

"Best ever," Bella replied with a brilliant smile. Her best friend was back, and nothing could make her happier. Not even the love of her life. Because no matter what, Lily was always the one person that she could count on to be there for her, and to help her out of binds, while everyone else would leave her to fight for herself.

At Bella's words, Lily's face cleared and brightened into a smile, while her eyes stopped tearing. With a tiny squeal, which Lily refused to admit she had made, she launched herself into her best friends arms and hugged her tight.

Bella returned the hug and smiled to herself. She wasn't totally alone in her life. She had a best friend who would always be there for her.

"Now then, what do you say that we get some breakfast before heading to class?" Bella asked as she pulled away from Lily.

"Ugh. Do we have to go to class?" Lily groaned as she was lead over to the Gryffindor table.

Sirius, who was the only other person except Bella who had heard the complaint, gasped in shock. Lily Evans doesn't want to go to class! His mind reeled. It was unheard of! From what everyone knew of Lily, she lived to learn, and now she was saying that she'd rather do something else! _There's hope for her yet_, he grinned as he sat next to Bella.

Lily, noticing that Sirius had sit next to Bella frowned. What was he doing – they doing, she corrected as she saw James sit next to her, and Remus across from her – at their end of the table? The Marauders always sat in the middle of the table, not near the door leading out to the main corridors to the classrooms.

"What are you doing down here?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow at James as she took a bite of her blueberry muffin.

"Well, we are doing something called eating, I think," came the sarcastic reply from James as he bit into a sausage and looked at Lily. "Why? Would you rather have me do something else?" he asked her with a twinkle in his eyes, knowing the answer already.

"W-what!" Lily sputtered, nearly choking on her bite of muffin, glaring at James. "Why in the name of Merlin would I want you to do anything else!"

"Good question," Remus laughed as he saw one of his best friends struggle to find a comeback that wouldn't make him seem conceited.

Lily gave a sharp nod of her head towards Remus before briefly glaring at James and returning to her half eaten muffin. _Well, you have to admit that it wouldn't be any fun this year if he managed to change all of his ways, _she thought as she stared at the little blue dots that were scattered about in her food. _Too bad that he isn't acting egotistical like always. Because I can't throw anything at him anymore! He's just acting his age. And his gender! _She complained as she tried to figure out why it always seemed as if the blueberries were made out of liquid. _Ugh. Why can't I find it in me to act like I always have around him? _She demanded when her eyes started to blur from focusing in on the point where the blue turned into white fluff._ Because you've always been attracted to him, and this year, he's changed. And, because deep inside of you, you want to go back to being you, but you're too scared to, and you know that James can help you bring your soul back to life. _Lily's inner head-- the one that no one likes to listen to because it's always right – told her in a knowing voice.

"Why him?" she whispered in a small voice as she bit into her muffin again.

Remus, who had excellent hearing due to his. . . monthly malady, heard what Lily said, and wondered what she was talking about. Or better yet, thinking. He had never seen her sit next to James without biting his head off, and it was shocking to say this, but it looked almost as if she was fighting the urge to be closer to him.

"There's something to think about," he mumbled as he took a bite of his oatmeal.

"Hey," Sirius exclaimed loudly, making everyone who was sitting near him look up at him. "Where's Wormy boy?"

"Oh, he had to go to the Hospital Wing," Remus informed him, then frowned, thinking. "But I don't know if anything was wrong with him, he looked perfectly fine to me."

"You know, Peter's been acting strange lately," James said as he thought about his other friend. Just then, the schedules appeared in front of every one, not that anyone really paid attention to them at the time. "I mean, he blew us off this summer, he didn't even owl any of us, and I dunno. It's weird, don't you guys think?" he asked, looking at Remus and Sirius.

"Yeah, it is," Remus agreed, while Sirius simply nodded his head, having stuffed his mouth full of eggs and grit before he'd chew. "He used to constantly follow us around, and now, its like he doesn't even want to acknowledge that we exist or something like that. Something just doesn't seem right."

Bella looked as Sirius disgustingly. "If you open your mouth with all of that in there, Black, expect to be dead and bald," she told him as she shuddered. That'd be a . . . gross sight.

Sirius started to open his mouth to say 'okay' then realized what she had warned and quickly nodded his head when he saw her hand go for her wand. No way was he going to go bald! His hair is too beautiful to be gone!

Just as Sirius swallowed and sighed happily, knowing that he was safe from a beautiful sprite who went by the name of Bella, the first warning bell rang, signaling the need to get going for class.

"But I'm not finished!" Sirius cried out, looking at his still half full plate, still piled with close to four inches worth of food.

Lily shook her head as she wiped her hands on a gold and red napkin, and stood up. "Eat more later," she suggested as she waited for Bella to get up.

"Without spitting on people," Bella told Sirius as she too stood up and began to walk out of the Great Hall with Lily next to her.

James stayed seated for a few seconds, simply watching the retreating backs of the raven-haired 'sprite' as Sirius so loved to call her, and a red-headed goddess, as they walked out of the Great Hall.

"Lets get going. It wouldn't do for us to miss the first class of Snivellus' torment, now would it? After all, it is a tradition," James grinned as he stood up and picked his bag up from the floor.

"Oh! We have a class with greasy in the morning! My day has just been made!" Sirius sang happily, as he jumped away from his half eaten food, forgetting that he wasn't done yet, and skipped to his first class along with James and Remus.

_My Best Buddy is back! _Sirius chirped inwardly. _Pranks! _

James on the other hand, walked calmly behind Sirius along with Remus and thought about what Lily had said to Bella when they had first got in the Hall.

_What could have happened to Lily? _He wondered. And for some reason, he had a feeling that it was something big.

And he had no idea of how right he was.

gggggggg

Lily watched in amusement as Bella's head bobbed up and down as she started to doze off in History of Magic. Their teacher, a ghost who died without even realizing it, floated in front of the classroom, holding a piece of chalk – although Lily couldn't figure out how, seeing as ghosts are a collected group of particles that takes form of their bodies – and droned on about another Goblin Reform. You'd think that the creepy looking things would have learned after the first hundred reforms that they weren't going to get their way.

Shaking her head at Bella, Lily attempted to take notes, but found that she too was going to fall asleep if she tried to pay attention to what Mr. Binns – the teacher – was discussing. Mainly with himself.

Lily's eyes fell on the sleeping form of James Potter, and lingered there. I_ wish that I could be like him. Someone who could get over the past in a heartbeat. Someone who didn't give a damn what others thought of them. I feel like I'm going to be trapped for the rest of my life dwelling on the past. But I can't risk going through what happened two years ago._ She thought dejectedly. She wanted nothing more than to be the person that she used to be. But no one realized that she felt like she'd just end up hurting herself again. No one realized that she was scared that she hadn't learned her lesson. Because most times you don't learn from your mistakes. You forget your mistakes and do them over. And that was what she was scared of.

_Maybe I should give James the chance to change me. To be there for me so that I don't end up being what I was. But do I dare risk it?_ She wondered as she continued to watch James's unruly head shift and his glasses slide off his nose a little as he continued to sleep.

Lily heaved a sigh and tried to pay attention to the teacher, absently noticing that she was the only student who didn't have their head on a desk, or who wasn't sleeping while sitting straight.

§

_**Authors Notes:**_

_**Not much different from the first draft, and I don't think that I'm going to change a lot for a couple more chapters. But anyways, here you guys go, I hope you enjoy! **_

_**Have a safe and fun Fourth of July! **_

_**And please REVIEW!**_

_**Happy Readings, **_

_**Mistress del Mare**_


	6. 5

_**Is It Worth It?**_

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Reposted on:** 07.07.05_

James continued to gaze at Lily from the corner of his eyes. He had seen, and felt her watching him while he had attempted to sleep during History of Magic, though he hadn't let her believe that he had truly been awake.

_What was she thinking while she looked at me?_ He wondered with a frown as he averted his gaze to the questionnaire that Professor Calaci, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, had handed out a few minutes ago. James looked down at the paper and read the questions as he continued to think about Lily. _Why did she look so sad earlier?_ He wondered for the millionth time that morning as he wrote down the answer for the first question in his brash, bold handwriting.

He couldn't help but remember the look on her face when she had apologized to Bella that morning. He had seen that look on her face so many times over the past couple of years. He same haunted, crestfallen look.

He remembered the first time that he had ever seen her like that. IT was at the Welcoming Feast at the beginning of their sixth year and she had been sitting across the table and two places down from him. He had been staring at her, as usual, as Professor McGonagall called up the terrified first years. And he had noticed her expression immediately.

To him, it looked as if she was fighting back an ocean of tears, as if she had gone through the most unbearable pain imaginable within three short months. It looked as if she had gotten a rude awakening. And a fast one too.

James remembered sneaking down the steps leading from the Boy's dormitories late that night, only to see Lily huddled in a corner of the couch, crying her heart out. He had remained hidden on the stairs wrapped in his invisibility cloak for hours until Lily had finally fell asleep. He then walked over to her, and proceeded to walk her up the stairs and into her room and tucked her in, all the while feeling as if someone had give the Giant Squid his heart to use as a squeeze toy.

"Prongs," a squeaky hiss called from James' right, knocking him out of his reverie.

"What?" He whispered back at Peter. The small, plump boy had finally shown up in History of Magic- with two seconds to spare, and had followed the Marauders to DADA.

"What is the answer to number 1?" he asked as he looked at the teacher, who as busy reading a book on Astronomy in the front right corner of the classroom. Because of that, Peter didn't notice the revolted look that James shot in his direction.

The question was the easiest on the questionnaire. _What do you expect to learn this year?_ James shook his head in disgust. How can someone be so...stupid? The only reason why Peter was in their group was because James had saved him on the Train to Hogwarts to start their first year from some older Slytherins and he had felt a little protective of the boy. But Peter never grew any courage, or self-respect, and had insisted on following James and his friends around until they had just decided to adopted him into their "club". Peter was the type of person who wanted to be around power. And the Marauders were Royalty in Hogwarts.

"I don't know Peter. Try to figure it out," he told his friend with a sharp tone.

"But James-" Peter started in his squeaky voice. That voice for some reason would always give James the chills. It was as if it got stuck while Peter was going through puberty-that is if he had actually gone through puberty at all.

"Mr. Pettigrew! I do believe that I had said that these were to be done individually!" the young professor snapped as she looked up from her book.

"Sorry Professor," Peter mumbled as he sunk into his chair, blushing from being reprimanded by a beautiful teacher.

Professor Calaci was in her early twenties, and could easily blend in with the Seventh year girls at the school .Her eyes were a dreamy gray color, which stood out against her tan skin and black hair. And her body, which you could always see as she refused to wear robes in the classroom and had always opted to wear muggle clothing-form fitting muggle clothing-instead, was that of an active woman. At least two thirds of the male population fantasied about seeing the young Professor without her clothes on. And the other part of the population was too young to know what to think about the sexy Professor.

James shook his head slightly to get rid of the memory of his first - and only!- fantasy of Professor Calaci. But, no fantasy could _ever_ beat the one's that starred the object of his affections, Lily Evans. Those were powerful things those fantasy's were. And quite uncomfortable too.

James started to reminisce about his dream from last night, where he had Lily in an old carriage straddling him, but quickly snapped himself out of it.

"Dam," he swore as he felt his pants get a little tighter in a certain delicate area of his body.

_That's what you get you idiot!_ He berated himself as he begun to repeat the memorized ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion.

§

Lily staggered into the Head's common room, hiding a huge yawn behind her hands. The lunch period has just started, and Lily had came back to the common room to trade her morning class books for the ones that she would need for the afternoon classes.

_I am **so** flippin' tired,_ she whined to herself after she tried to unsuccessfully stifle another yawn, causing tears to pool in her eyes for the billionth time that day. _And I still have **two** classes left! _She hated feeling this...drained. Especially when she had to go to classes.

Collapsing on the comfortable couch, Lily practically purred. The room was warm, and the couch was comfortable, and she was past tired.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt if I took a little nap, would it?" she mumbled sleepily as her eyelids became too heavy to keep open anymore. "After all," she paused to yawn, "I'll definitely hear the bell." And with that simple logic said, Lily fell blissfully asleep.

§

"Has anyone seen Lily?" Bella asked as she walked up to where the Marauders sat.

"No," Remus answered, shaking his head.

"Why?" James asked as he swallowed the bite that he had taken from his biscuit.

"I haven't seen her since we separated in the DADA hallway. She said something about needing to exchange her books. But that was twenty minutes ago. Classes are about to start!" Bella exclaimed wildly, arms waving this way and that. "And it's not at _all_ like her to be late to a class!"

"She might be in the Head's common," Remus reasoned, while Sirius stared at Bella's legs – which were now showing a considerable amount of skin, due to the fact that she had rolled the waistband up a few times so that her long stride wouldn't be shortened by the gray skirt.

"Will you give me the password?" she demanded of James.

James shook his head and hurried to swallow his juice before she started ranting and raving at him for being an uncaring prick, or something in that category. "Dumbledore gave us orders to not allow anyone but us two in there," he gasped, tears forming in his eyes from the sting that he had gotten from swallowing too fast.

"Will you go get her then?" Bella demanded, as she fisted her hands on her hips and glared at him when he remained seated.

"Uh, sure. Yeah, I'll um, get going!" James stuttered, not wanting to see a pissed Bella at the moment. "I'll see you guys in class!" James shouted as he grabbed his book bag and ran towards the Head's common.

"Bella," Sirius finally said, looking up from where his gaze had lingered since she had appeared from behind where James had sat.

"What?"

"How about we go out tonight?"

Bella looked into Sirius eyes and smiled. "No."

Remus looked at the shocked expression on Sirius face and roared with laughter. That face! It was a classic!

Sirius eyes had gotten big, and his mouth slackened up, and the 'charming' grin that he had put on when he asked Bella out had faded.

The poor guy was shocked!

"It's – its not funny Moony!" Sirius growled, trying to soothe his hurt pride. No girl had ever denied him before. Not ever.

"She said no!" he exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air and pouted.

"And she'll continue to say no," Bella retorted from her spot a few seats away from Sirius.

"But why!"

"'Cuz I can." Was all Bella said.

The students who had heard this exchange started to whisper silently.

There was, however, one small group of Hufflepuffs who glared at Bella. Never before had they had to worry about any girl holding their Sirius's attention for too long. But now, now, they had a reason to worry. Because there he was, staring at Bella as if he worshiped her!

With a quick glare towards the oblivious Bella, the small group of girls got up from their seats and stalked from the Great Hall.

§

James gasped the password to the fairy that guarded the common room and as calm as a panting person could, walked into the common room, ready to fall onto the couch to catch his breath. That is, until he saw Lily sprawled out on it. One of her arms was dangling over the side of the couch from her wrist down, while the other served as a pillow for her head, and one of her legs was crooked so that her ankle rested on her knee, and hung over the side of the couch a little bit. Her hair was a bold contrast to the light tan color of the couch, while her black cloak was bunched up under one of her hip bones, and her gray skirt rode up high on her thigh, showing the soft lightly tan skin, making James's mouth water, knowing that if the skirt rode up just a couple of more inches that he'd see her knickers.

To brew the Draft of Light, you first need- James recited as soon as he felt his pants tighten for the second time that day.

"Lily?" he whispered after standing there in the walkway behind the portrait reciting the process to brew the potion.

"Lily?" he whispered again, walking closer. He was now in the room, but still at least four feet away from Lily's body. _She looks so peaceful. Maybe I should just let her sleep. She has been looking awfully tired today. _One part of his head was telling him. **Yes, but if she finds out that you saw her sleeping when she had classes, she'd kill you Potter! **The other side reasoned. **_Why in the hell do you call yourself Potter when your talking about yourself? He asked. Wait. I mean. Well. Oh hell! Fuck it. Trying to sort that out is going to give me a headache!_**

James looked at Lily and smiled at the peaceful look on her face. This was the first time in close to two years that he had seen Lily look so . . . free. Free of troubles, problems, and everything else. She looked so much more beautiful when she was stripped like this.

Without realizing that he had done so, James had walked across the room and kneeled in front of Lily's face, simply gazing at her beauty.

She didn't look so untouchable now. So rigid as other boys put it. She looked like the angel that James always figured her to be.

_Don't you find it odd that during when you needed her most you got the first chance that you've ever received from her? _He wondered as he continued to look at Lily's face, memorizing each angle, each line, each freckle, each flaw – though he didn't find any, and each perfection that made Lily, Lily. _Don't you find it odd that after all these years you're finally getting the chance to talk to her, not scream. And it's all right around the time you needed her. You thought that you'd have to settle with just looking at her to get your mind off of what happened this summer. But, you also get to have conversations with her. Maybe, just maybe, now is the right time. Maybe you should show Lily what it's like to live again. Maybe you could bring out the spirit that used to live within her. The spirit that everyone used to admire. The spirit that she has hidden behind books for the past year. _

James had switched to sitting on his knees with his hands resting lightly on the couch somewhere during his thoughts. And, unconsciously, his hand had rose and began to draw itself through the soft dark red tresses that fanned out on the couch.

"Um, James," Lily moaned sleepily as she shifted further into the couch.

James stared at Lily with wide eyes. **_She's dreaming about me! _**His find sung happily. A smile began to spread across his face. _There's hope yet, _he declared as he continued to run his hand through her hair. Bringing a handful to his face, James inhaled deeply and smiled. She smelled like night jasmine, which was a huge contrast to Lily's personality.

Lily gave off the sweet bookworm virgin vibe, although James didn't really think that she was a virgin. Unfortunately. He remembered overhearing her in their fifth year talking to a third year about sex, and she had seemed overly experienced to be a virgin still.

But the perfume? The perfume gave off this erotic vibe that made you think of hot, steamy nights in silk sheets with the candles flickering in the wind as you made slow, never ending love.

James looked down at Lily's face with a soft smile. Maybe she wasn't as predictable as people thought. Maybe she did have a little bit of that spirit left in her. Or, at least enough to wear the same scent that she had been wearing since she was fourteen.

James knew what the scent was too, having had bought it for her as a present for Christmas that year. All of the Gryffindors had decided to do a muggle tradition that year, and played Secret Santa, and James had pulled Lily's name out of the hat that they had snatched off of one of the singing suites of armor. And he was now glad that they had decided to remain nameless throughout the whole thing, no one knowing who got whom, even after the presents were opened. Because James knew that Lily wouldn't have even considered wearing the scent that he picked out for her if she knew that it was he who gave it to her.

He had known the scent was hers the first time he smelled it when he walked into the store. It was this mysterious, yet . . .bold smell. Tempting, yet, soothing. Distinctly Lily. But he hadn't known that she still wore it. Hell, he forgot about the present until just now.

She must use it in small amounts, because you had to get close to smell it, but she also had to have transferred it into her soaps, because from what James could tell, her whole body smelled like the exotic flowers.

James let Lily's hair fall from his fingertips, and brushed his Quidditch roughened fingers lightly over Lily's perfect cheek. Lily made a content sound and leaned into his touch.

James jerked his hand back when he heard the loud sound of the tardy bell. **_Oh shit! _**His mind screamed as he jumped up from his spot on the floor and prepared to explain to Lily what he was doing. Or at least try to come up with a excuse to tell Lily what he was doing.

But she never woke up. She kept on sleeping. Except now, she had a frown marring her face instead of the slight smile she had before. And she was mumbling something.

James moved closer as to make it easier for him to understand her, and frowned when he heard a piece of it.

"You killed my baby," Lily mumbled, and James was shocked to see tears flow from Lily's eyes.

**_Baby!_** James's mind screamed. _She's having a nightmare, _he tried to tell himself, but it just didn't seem right to him. She didn't look like she was having a nightmare. She was too . . . still. And her face wasn't scrunched up in fear like people's usually are when they're being haunted in their dreams.

It was almost as if it had happened. . . in real life.

"I can't ever come close to a guy again," Lily whispered in a soft voice. So soft that James almost didn't hear it. But he did.

"Huh?" He wondered out loud.

"I won't risk being hurt by another guy again. I can't," she cried, the tears flowing fast and freely from her eyes.

James's heart broke as he watched the tears fall from her still eyelids. Despite his curiousity to know what she was talking about, James bent down on one knee.

"Lily, wake up," he said as he shook her shoulder to wake her up.

Lily's eyes opened, and suddenly James was staring into glassy emerald green eyes.

Shocked emerald green eyes.

"Oh my God!" Lily gasped as she realized that James had to have heard her dream.

"Oh my God!" Lily's voice rang through the silence of the room, causing James to blink in surprise.

"No, no, no," Lily chanted wildly as she sprung up from her position on the couch and scrambled up so that she could pace the floor.

James, who had fallen on his hipbone when Lily pushed him aside – rather harshly – to get off of the couch to pace, winced as he lifted his weight off of his side and rubbed his now bruised hip.

"I take it that that dream was not meant to be heard," James drawled as he slowly stood up from his place on the ground.

"What do you think!" Lily snapped as she turned and glared at him. "You have no right to listen in on people's dreams! You could have done the decent thing and woke me up as soon as you heard me talking!" She yelled as she stepped closer to him, jamming her finger into his chest on the last word of her sentence, absently noting that he did have a rather hard chest. "But can James Potter ever do the right thing?" she mocked as she jabbed him with her finger again.

James glared at Lily as he stepped back, away from the pain that her finger was causing. For something so small, she could inflict a lot of pain. "Will you stop with the finger already?" James growled as she followed him and jabbed her finger into his chest again as she opened her mouth to finish her lecture.

"No, he can't! James Potter doesn't know what's right!" she continued, acting as if she hadn't heard what he said.

"It's not as if I knew what the hell I was listening in on, Lily!" James shouted as he pushed her hand away.

Lily glared, her emerald green eyes burning in anger. "That's." Jab. "Why." Jab. "You." Jab. "Should." Jab. "Have." Jab. "Woken." Jab. "Me up!" she growled as she dug her finger into his chest, not realizing how much her finger was hurting at the moment.

James winced as he felt her nail bite into his skin**. You just had to fall in love with a girl who has a temper worse than yours, didn't you!** A voice inside of James's head moaned.

"Will you stop it!" James yelled as he grabbed Lily by the wrist and pulled it behind her back, bringing their bodies close in result.

"No!" Lily yelled back as she tried to tug her arm away from James's grasp. It didn't work. He was a lot stronger than he looked. He might be a little bit on the lean side, but from what Lily could tell, he wasn't lacking in strength.

James shut his eyes and gulped as he felt Lily press her lower body into his. "Stay still." James growled as he pulled Lily tighter against his body in hopes of restraining her thrashing.

"Why should I?" Lily demanded through narrowed eyes as she squirmed to get out of his grasp.

"Lily if you don't stop moving, I'm going to – " James started in warning, only to be cut off by Lily's taunting voice.

"You're going to do what Potter?" she laughed. "Hex me?"

"No," he said, looking down into Lily's still furious eyes. "This." With that said, James lowered his head and brushed his lips against Lily's.

_God, they're so soft. So much more than what I ever dreamed of,_ he thought as he opened his mouth and ran the tip of his tongue across the crease of her lips.

Lily froze at the feel of James's lips on hers. **This is not happening! **One part of her mind screamed frantically. _Why don't you just give in Lily? You know that you want to try what the girls in your dorm always gushed about. _The other side told her. Then, Lily felt James's tongue and no longer thought. It had been so long since she had been kissed._ What harm is a little bit of kissing going to do? _She asked herself, seconds before she parted her lips.

James groaned as he felt Lily open her lips, slightly, for him. Never, not even in his wildest dreams, had he ever thought that Lily would kiss him willingly. _She tastes like chocolate, _was all his mind thought as he tasted Lily's mouth for the first time.

Lily was shocked by the shiver that went through her body as she kissed James. She had never felt so affected by just a simple kiss. She never had her whole attention focused on the simple mating of tongues, she never felt the world fall away, along with time. She never felt so . . . content.

James's head was reeling with the intoxicating taste that was Lily. He couldn't believe how right it felt to be kissing her. How perfectly their bodies molded to each other. It was as if they were each other's missing puzzle pieces.

James let go of Lily's wrist and both of his hands slipped inside of her robes to rest on her waist, just above the swell of her butt.

Lily ran her hands up James's arms slowly upon feeling them freed from his grasp. One of her hands tangled itself in his hair while the other dangled over his shoulder. Playing with the silky black strands, Lily rose to her tiptoes and pressed herself into James further.

James inwardly smiled as he felt Lily mold her body into his even more, and broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he trailed his lips from hers to her ear. Nipping on the lobe, James let his hands travel downward, slowly, giving Lily enough time to tell him to stop.

She didn't. She couldn't even find the voice to object if she tried. Feeling James lightly kiss behind her ear, Lily gasped. She never felt so sensitive in her life!

James smiled against Lily's skin and slipped his hands under Lily's skirt, and trailed his fingertips up her smooth, silky skin.

Feeling James's fingers on her thighs, Lily's senses came rushing back.

"No," Lily whispered hoarsely as she moved one of her hands and pushed against James's chest. Roughly.

James stumbled back at the unexpected force and tripped over the table that somehow managed to appear behind him, causing him to fall onto the couch. "What the hell?" he objected as he rolled off of the couch and faced Lily. "What was that about!" he demanded as he stalked towards her, his cloak billowing behind his body, and stared into her eyes. _God, she has beautiful eyes, _he thought. James shook his head. He'd didn't need to be thinking of how beautiful she was at the moment.

"I – I'm sorry," Lily whispered in a broken voice as she lowered her head to look at the ground. "But I can't do that."

James glared at the top of Lily's head. "You damn well can!" he roared, throwing up his hands. Lily shrunk away from James unconsciously. Ever since she lost her baby, she was uncomfortable around furious guys.

James, noticing Lily's retreat frowned. "Lily, you wanted that, just as much as I did," he reasoned as he took her face by the chin and gently lifted her head so that he could look her in the eyes. "So why did you pull away?"

Lily looked in James's eyes, falling into the hazel depths before she answered. "Because I can't risk what could happen, James, I won't go through it again. I won't risk another mistake." Was all she said.

"What do you mean 'another mistake' ?" he asked in a soft voice as he frowned.

That phrase snapped Lily to attention as she stared at him. "Nothing. I have to go." She said hurriedly as she moved her head out of his grasp and ran up the stairs into her room as fast as she could.

"What have a I done?" Lily sobbed as she fell on her bed.

§

James stared at Lily's door, a frown marring his handsome face. Everything had just gotten twenty times more confusing than what they had been six hours ago.

She was hiding something, and he wanted to know what.

"I'm going to find out your secret Lily Evans, no matter what," he vowed as he walked up to his room.

His room looked exactly like Lily's had, except his was done in Navy blue and gold colors. James kicked his shoes off near the door, walked over to his bed, and laid down on it, staring up at the ceiling as he began plotting ways to get Lily to tell him her secret.

§

Bella looked around the Care of Magical Creatures class with a frown. This was the second class that Lily _and_ James had missed. _Where are they?_ She wondered as her eyes fell on the two empty seats.

_I just hope that Lily isn't doing anything that she would regret._ She sighed as the class was called to attention by the dwarfish looking teacher.

§

"Hey Padfoot," Remus whispered as they took their seats in Care of Magical Creatures. "Where do you think Prongs is?"

Sirius – or Padfoot, as he is called by some – looked at Remus and smirked. "Well, Moony my boy, if I know our li'l Prongsie – which I do! – I'd say that he's trying to make li'l Prongsies right about now with the beautiful fireball."

"Ah," Remus drawled as he too smirked. "'Trying' being the key word in that sentence, right?"

"Of course Moony boy!" Sirius chirped with a grin. "James has quite a challenge ahead of him to get _that_ one!"

"Let the games begin," Remus smiled as he turned his attention to the teacher, who had just called the class's attention.

§

_**Authors Notes:**_

_**Here you guys go! This one has a bit more action in it than the previous one. Sorry bout that one, it was just a filler really. But anyways, I hope you guys like! and review people! **_

_**Anyways, it might be a few weeks before I get the next chapter out, so enjoy and review! It might get me updating faster! hint hint. **_

_**Always,**_

_**Mistress del Mare**_


	7. 7

_**Is It Worth It?**_

_**Chapter 6**_

Classes seemed to go on forever the next day, and poor Moony. It was a full moon that night. This was probably why James, Sirius and Peter could all be found sleeping on their desks in Herbology.

Except, James was having a nightmare involving him finding out Lily's secret. And it turned out to be that Lily was married.

"NO!" James woke up screaming. Looking around with wild eyes, and thumping heart, James noticed all the amused eyes looking at him.

"Sorry," he muttered as he looked into Lily's eyes and started to blush.

"Class! Class, if Mr. Potter is done with his n-nap, lets get back to our les-sson," the professor stuttered.

Just then, James heard some snickering next to him, and realized that Sirius and Remus were up and laughing at him.

"Shut up," he growled and pushed Sirius, whom landed on Remus, who almost had an encounter with the cold, hard, dirt covered floor.

O

That night, Lily couldn't wake up. She just sat on her bed and looked at a scrapbook, reminiscing on easier times. More fun times.

Feeling the prickling of tears in her eyes, Lily sighed and slammed the book shut and threw it over the edge of the bed. "Why can't it ever be easy for me? " She demanded.

Getting off the bed and picking up a green silk robe from the foot of the bed, Lily put it on over her night clothes and headed downstairs, where the fire was still going.

Sitting on the couch and curling up into a ball, Lily stared into the flames and tried to think about how her life would have ended up if nothing had happened. If she hadn't ended up pregnant, and lost the child.

With that in mind, Lily drifted off to sleep, the endless night catching up with her.

O

James walked into the common room, dreaming only of the couch. Knowing, that if he _attempted_ the stairs that he'd just end up back at the bottom of them. Sighing as he caught sight of the couch, he dragged his dreary body over to it. And nearly plopped himself down on Lily's sleeping body.

_So beautiful,_ he thought with a smile as he looked down at her.

"Lily?" he tried, knowing that she'd feel the use of the couch in the morning if she continued to sleep there.

"Lily," he tried again.

_And she's out,_ he thought with a sigh as he looked up from Lily's sleeping body to the stairs. Groaning, James bent down and winced as his back cracked. Picking Lily's small, almost weightless body up, James started for the stairs.

"Don't let me fall," he pleaded as he started up the stairs.

"James?" Lily croaked as she tried to open her eyes.

"Yes, Lily?" he questioned, astonished that she was actually aware that it was him.

"Don't leave me," she pleaded as she wound her arms around his neck and snuggled into him.

James frowned down at her and entered her room. Walking over to the bed, James laid her down and went to pull away, when he felt her pulling him down with her. "Sleep. Stay. Sleep," she muttered as she pulled at him feebly.

James looked at her with wide eyes, then started to smile. This might be his only chance and she was _inviting_ him. He couldn't say no.

Shrugging out of his robe, slipping out of his shoes, and taking his glasses off and putting them on the nightstand, James got into the bed with a grin on his face. This was a dream come true to him.

Sleeping in the same bed as Lily Evans.

James fell asleep with a smile on his face that night.

O

Sometime during the night, Lily must have discarded her robe, because the emerald green material laid in a heap at the foot of the bed, leaving Lily in a black cami and white drawstring cotton pajama bottoms.

James left on of his hands resting possessively low on her hip, while the other one rose from it's position by his side to brush the frizzy locks that had escaped her bun away from her face.

While awake, Lily had a strikingly beautiful face. She had a small/pert nose, stunning eyes that could read your soul with just a look, and full, pouty lips that James could still taste, and her face was an intricate web to be figured out. But, while she was sleeping, she looked absolutely….angelic. Like nothing had ever touched her. Her jaw had this softness that was never present while awake, and she just looked so peaceful. It was an alluring sight to say the least.

James ran his gaze over her sleeping form for the second time, only to return to her lips. What would she do if he kissed her? Taste her again? Would she hit him? Would she respond?

There's only one way to find out, his mind instructed. James grinned. He was right. There was only one way to find out. With that thought, James shifted his body a little to the left and gently rested his lips on hers. Keeping the contact, James waited to feel some kind of sign that she was waking. There was none.

With a smile, James shifted a little more so that Lily was on her back, the blue and silver covers, which had to have been changed since he remembered that they were once white and green like the rest of the room, and leaned on his side. Without hesitation, James laid his mouth on hers again, this time, nibbling at the ripe bottom lip softly, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Lily's throat, causing James to smile as he continued to softly nibble.

O

Lily was having a wonderful dream. She was sitting in a meadow full of an array of different colored flowers, the sun was bright, the sky was a soft blue, and she was laying down on a soft, comfortable blanket in the middle of it all.

But that's not what made the dream wonderful. There was another person there, and he was kissing her. And it was the most amazing feeling, his soft lips, the warmth of his breath, and the tickling strokes of his tongue across her lips. She didn't know who he was , but he had to be the most attentive kisser she'd ever known.

The mouth on hers kept nibbling and licking until finally she opened her mouth, granting him access.

His tongue didn't try to extract her tonsils as he kissed her, which most guys tried to do when they kissed her. It was almost as if they wanted to hurry and get that powerful release he knew that the kiss could lead to.

NO, he used a softness, a slowness that added details to her dream. It made her dream more life like. And when his tongue flicked over the sensitive roof of her mouth, Lily moaned lightly; then sighed as he drew back.

And that's when Lily realized that she wasn't dreaming. She opened her eyes to see the night sky that was painted. And when she turned her head a fraction to the left, she realized that James Potter was the one who had done the kissing.

He was settled on his right side, his right arm propped up and his head was cradled by the hand, and the sheet and comforter rested carelessly low on his hips, showing off his gray wife beater, and the waistband of the black pants. He Lily knew that she looked confused. It was too early for her to try to mask her feelings. And she was in fact confused. _What the hell is Potter doing in my bed?_ She wondered as she tried to remember how she even got into her room.

The last thing that she remembered was staring into the dying embers of the fire in the common room late last night.

Lily frowned. How'd she get in her room?

"I carried you," James answered Lily's question.

Lily, not realizing that hse had said that out loud, looked at James quickly and replaced her frown with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, that explains why I'm in my room, in bed, but why are _you_ in my bed?"

"Because you asked me to stay."

"I did?" she asked incredulously.

James simply nodded his head and waited for Lily's reaction. In the past week and a half, he had realized that Lily wasn't as predictable as he had thought that she was. She reacted to situations differently every time now. So, there was no way to know how she was going to deal with this one.

"I don't remember that," she admitted slowly, as she frowned again, trying to remember.

James couldn't help but think that she looked sexy as she frowned, a little line forming between her brows as she tried to remember what happened last night. And he couldn't help but want to brush his fingers lightly over that line, and make it go away. She was so cute, even when she was confused. And even when she was mad. Though he'd rather see her mad at someone else rather than him.

"What are you staring at?" Lily asked, snapping James out of his thoughts. James looked down into the emerald eyes that he so loved and smiled. "You. You're cute when yoyu're thinking hard like that. You get this line –" he said as he raised his hand and brushed the line that was still visible, "right here."

Lily blinked rapidly as she stared at James. Did he just say that she looked cute when she was thinking. "Right," she drawled in a confused tone.

"And you're even cuter when you're confused. But I think that you're cute no matter what, so there probably isn't a single expression that you have that I would say wasn't cute," he smiled, entranced by the sparkling humor that had sprung into her eyes, making the emerald orbs shine brightly.

"You're a werid one Potter," she told him with a shake of her head. "And it's too early to try to get my head to focus on when I asked you to stay, so I'm going to let it slide for now. Unless," she continued, "You feel like telling me when this happened."

"Sure," he told her with a shrug of his strong, wide shoulders. Shoulders that Lily remembered laying her head on. Lily shook her head slightly and got read to listen to James. It just might answer some of her questions. Though she highly doubted it.

"I brought you upstairs when I saw you sleeping on the couch last night, and after laying you down on the bed, I had tried to stand up straight, but you wouldn't let me, saying that you wanted me to stay with you. So I did."

Lily frowned. That didn't sound like her. Yet it did. She wouldn't have wanted him anywhere near her while she was awake, but while she was sleeping, and she always said what she wanted to, and got what she wanted when she was half or even all the way asleep. So she didn't doubt that if she had wanted to sleep in the same bed with James that it wouldn't have happened. It sounded as if it did. And, now that she was awake, she wasn't so sure that she didn't want him far away from her after all. Last night had been the first time in a year that she had slept peacefully. No dreams. Well, besides the one that she had had moments before she woke up. But still, not nightmares.

Maybe it's time that I finally let my fears go, and try to get over them, she thoguth as she turned on to her back and stared at the ceiling. It doesn't mean that I'll forget, but maybe, it's time that I start living my life again. It's been two years already Lily. Don't you think that you suffered enough?

"Why aren't you a prick anymore?" Lily asked James suddenly.

James stared at Lily for a few minutes in surprise before he looked away. "Let's just say that I learned that there are more important things in life than what people think of me."

"How'd you learn that?" she pried. For some reason, knowing this answer seemed to be important to her.

James swallowed hard as he remembered all that he had gone through over the summer, and he breathed a deep breath to rid his eyes of the tears that wanted to spill over.

"My Grandmother was murdered. He told her in a harsh whisper.

Lily gasped softly and raised a hand to her throat. "I'm so sorry James."

James looked at Lily then, and gave a lopsided smile. "Thank you. And I'm sorry for your loss too." He said without thinking. Remembering the night that he heard Lily and Bella talking about the baby.

Lily frowned even as her eyes widened. He couldn't know, could he? Her mind screamed in shock. "E-excuse me?" she stuttered.

James's eyes widened. _Oh shit!_ "Um, oh, uh, nothing." He retorted nervously.

"Y-you know. How?" Lily asked shakily. She didn't know how, but James had found out about her dead baby. She just knew somehow, that he knew. It was in the way he looked at her when he said that. With sympathy and sorrow. He knew!

James gulped, suddenly afraid of what Lily was going to do with him. What if she gets mad, and says that she'd never talk to him again? What would he do then? I can't go back to living without her in my life. Not now. Now that I've tasted her. "I'm so sorry Lily! I really am, I didn't mean to listen, but I had to know! And I knew that you'd never tell me! And I hated seeing you so sad, so helpless. I've wanted to help you since you came back for our fifth year!" he babbled. As he sat up on his side of the bed and sat Indian style, waving his arms frantically.

"You listened to what?" she asked calmly. Too calmly for James' liking.

"Your, um… your conversation with Bella the other night," he confessed.

Lily closed her eyes on a deep breath. Something inside of her was screaming for her to trust him. To let him help her. She missed being herself. The person that she was on the inside. Not the image that she had to put up to keep her safe. She wanted to be her again. And James, for some reason - she knew that James would do everything that he could to help her be her again. To help her be happy. And she so wanted to be happy again. To be able to be free, and passionate, and just her.

Trust him.

Lily opened her eyes, only to see James staring at her apprehensively, as if he was scared that she was going to hex him into a dancing turtle or something. Lily sighed. She had just made up her mind. If he hadn't deserted her as soon as he found out, he must have cared for her at least a little bit, enough for him to try to get to know her without automatically judging. She was going to tell him. Tell him everything. And it was going to be her choice to do so. Lily had always thought that if anyone besides Bella found out about what happened, that they'd make her talk, but no, she knew that James would give her the chance to come to him on her own to tell him the whole story. And she would. But not now. As it was, they only had forty minutes until their meeting with the Headmaster.

Lily sighed again and looked James straight in the eyes. "I need to talk to you, but it's going to have to be later. We have only forty minutes left until we have to go to Dumbledore's office," she explained wearily. And, she silently added, I need to think of a way to tell you all of this.

James nodded eagerly, as he watched her face intently. _She didn't look mad to him. So maybe she wasn't? But, what did she have to tell him? Should he be worried? _

"Okay, I'm going to take a shower then," he told her as he jumped off the bed. He was scared that she was going to change her mind and transfigure him into something painful. "I'll see you in thirty minutes!" he called out as he walked through the door that led to the bathroom.

Lily sighed and dragged the pillow that James had been laying on over her head to muffle her scream.

It smelled like him!

Lily groaned as she smacked the pillow back into place. There was no denying the fact that James Potter affected her body physically. Not when just the smell of him turned her on. But, to Lily's dismay, there was also no denying to herself that James Potter didn't pull at her heartstrings either. She couldn't hide it from herself, and she honestly didn't know how much longer she'd be able to hide that she was falling in love with him.

That she had been falling in love with him since the fourth year. And, ironically enough, Lily had planned to come back in the fifth year, and accept James' invitation to go out the next time he had asked. But, circumstances stopped that from happening.

Lily rolled out of bed, careful not to fall out as she did nearly every other morning, and sighed. Maybe she should give them- what they could be as a couple, a chance. And, if the idiot didn't love her, well, she would make him love her.

Satisfied with her reasoning, Lily looked in her mirror and grimaced. She looked like shit.

_Yet he called you cute,_ her mind told her smugly.

_So_, Lily retorted childishly.

"I hate mornings," she groaned loudly as she realized that she was arguing with herself. Lily draped herself out in one of the emerald wing chairs that were set up by the fire. The chairs were extremely comfortable no matter which way you decided to sit in them which was a good thing considering that Lily never really sat in chairs right. Especially when she was reading. Which was in fact, quite often.

After she heard James get out of the shower, and the door connected to his room close, Lily rose and went to take her shower, hoping that she'd figure out a way to explain to James just what had happened in her past.


	8. 8

Chapter 9

James was anxious. And twitchy. Nor could he stay still.

"Will you stop that!" Sirius hissed irritably. They were in their last class for the day. Muggle Studies. And James was getting on his nerves. The boy wouldn't stay still! He was tapping his quill on something, or drumming his fingers against things, or jiggling his foot, or making 'tisking sounds with his tongue. And after an hour of it, it was making Sirius's head ache. The slow throbbing kind of ache.

"Huh?" James asked as he shook his head lightly and looked over towards Sirius.

"Stop!" he yelled, causing everyone in the class to look at him. Including the short leprechaun looking Professor that was standing on a pile of books and boxes in the front

of the bright, airy classroom, drawing weird looking pictures of something called a refrigerator on the blackboard.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Black," Professor Lundanee - or Professor Leprechaun as the students dubbed him drawled as he turned his gray eyes on Sirius and stroked a small, white, wrinkled hand through his dark red beard. "But I can't stop teaching. After all, I am paid to teach. Even if a few of you will never learn anything."

'Sirius glared at the teacher. There was a reason why he hated this class, and he just remembered why. Well, sor-ry!" Sirius huffed. "But I might actually learn something if I had a teacher that could actually teach!"

"Mr. Black!" the short man sputtered indignantly.

"Mr. Leprachaun!" Sirius retorted in the same tone of voice with wide eyes.

"You will refrain from insulting a Professor, Mr. Black!" The now angry Professor demanded, his cheeks turning red.

"It's only considered insulting if it's not true," Sirius pointed out helpfully, and heard James snicker from the seat next to his.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest with a smirk.

"Whoa!" he cried as he hurriedly unfolded his arms and made a grab for the wooden work bench that was in front of him as his stool started to tip over.

"When will you learn?" James muttered as Sirius released the worn oak of the table as his chair righted itself.

"Never," Sirius replied as soon as the teacher started his lecture again. "What's with all that tapping the thing on his Muggle Studies book again." Sirius asked as James started tapping his quill on the book again. So, to take care of it, Sirius just snatched it out of his hand.

"Nothing."

"Uh-huh. What's with the tapping?"

"Nothing!" James said. "Can I have my quill back?"

"Nope! What's with the tapping?"

"What tapping? And why not?"

"The tapping you've been doing all day. Because I say so."

"I haven't been tapping all day!"

"James…look at your foot." Sirius instructed with a smirk.

James's hazel eyes clouded over with confusion as he looked down at his foot. "Shit!" he muttered. _I hate it when he's right. Now I'm never going to hear the end of this. Just like I never hear the end of anything else that I do where he's right, and I don't know it._

"See!" Sirius gloated with a grin on his face. "Now, what's with all the tapping?"

"Why the hell are you so persistent about this today?" James demanded with a scowl aimed in Sirius's direction.

"Because I can be. And even perfection must have some defaults. And this so happens to be my only one."

"Padfoot," James drawled with a smile. "Did you just realize that you insulted yourself?"

"I did no such thing! Why would I insult such perfection?"

"Will you two stop talking in my class!" the teacher yelled, glaring at the boys for the disruption.

"Sorry," James said with a shrug. "Habit."

Satisfied, Professor Lundanee continued his lesson on how muggles stored food. And it completely threw all the purebloods off on why you'd have something as crazy as a re-fridge-rator thing to keep food in.

And it just shocked Sirius that you'd have food to put in such a thing.

"We'll finish this later," Sirius vowed. Or threatened. Depends on how you look at it.

James smirked. Sirius always forgot things after the bells rung. It was a tradition of some sort. Or at least a major flaw in his memory capabilities, but it served James well in situations such as these.

"Whatever," James grinned.

0x0

The sun was settng outside by the time Lily figured out a way to tell James. And by the time she got into the Head Boy and Girl common room, it was nightfall.

'James looked up at the sound of the door shutting softly, and looked into Lily's eyes as she walked into the brightly lighted room. "HI," he said softly as a smile curved his lips.

She looked so cute to him. Her uniform was still, after being in it for nine hours, prim, looking as fresh and clean as it had been that morning, and her hair was up in a tight bun, and she had two strings of hair hanging around her face, making her look…impish.

Lily blushed from the way that he was looking at her and started to play with the strap of her book bag. "Hi," she said just as softly as she slowly made her way into the room, and over to the couch and sat down next to him, laying her book bag on the floor next to her.

"I really don't know how to say this, or even if I can, or if I'm ready to, but I'm going to, so just try to have some patience with me okay?" she whispered as she looked down at the small unpainted hands that she had laid in her lap.

"Okay," James said, giving Lily a charming smile in hopes that it'd soothe her nerves somehow.

"Lily glanced up at James and inwardly sighed. I hope that he doesn't hate me afterwards, because that'd make getting him to fall in love with me so much harder, she thought. "I guess that I should start with the beginning, shouldn't I?" she asked with a hesitant smile.

"Sometimes that's the best way to start," James offered as he moved around so that his back was against the arm of the couch, and he was facing her with one of the soft pillows behind his back, and his legs crossed Indian style so that he could better see Lily while she was talking. He knew what she was going to tell him now, now that she started, ad he wanted to be able to see the expressions on her face, because he had a feeling that no one else but Bella knew about the whole thing.

"Yeah, I guess that it does," she said with a deep breath. "I guess technically it started when I was about six," she told him as she gave up looking at her hands and looked at him instead as she turned to face him, leaving one leg on the ground. "I loved to dance. It was always the only way that I could find to express myself. Or let myself be free. Or forget about what had happened during the day. In many ways, it was the only friend that I had."

"What about Bella?" James asked with a frown. He had always that that they had known each other from birth, regardless of the fact that Bella was a pureblood, and Lily was of muggle decent. They just seemed too close to be anything but childhood friends.

"Bella and I didn't meet until the first ride on the train to Hogwarts. But even after that, for the longest of times, all we were was acquaintances," she told him with a small smile. "But anyways, back to what I was saying in the first place.

"When I was twelve, I would always go to this one dancing club during the summer, and I'd stay there until my parents came to get me. It wasn't until I was thirteen that I started to get into the drinking and the drugs. I had met a few people from Hogwarts while I was experimenting with drugs one night, and they took me to this club, and surprisingly enough, we got in. I was shocked, even through the haze of being stoned, I knew that it was a club.

"I don't really remember the rest of that night, just waking up the next morning in a guys bed," she told him with a frown. It still bothered her that she couldn't remember losing her virginity, even after four years of wondering.

James's eyes had nearly popped out of his head. Lily went against the law! He knew enough of Muggle laws to know that underage drinking was not something that they promoted. Nor was drugs. But the fact that she danced, in clubs!- was what really got him. _I didn't even know that she liked dancing._ He thought. He didn't say anything though, just waited for her to continue her story.

"And after that night, I sort of created a ritual. I'd sneak out of the house, and I'd visit different clubs, Muggle and wizarding- sometimes I'd get high or drunk, and other times I wouldn't. And, for a while, I'd always go somewhere with a guy. Sometimes they'd get lucky, and sometimes they were so fucked up that they'd pass out before we reached the doorway.

"But the next year, I settled down a little, the experience wasn't so new that I had to test the waters every time I had the chance. I calmed down on the drugs and alcohol; I didn't sleep around so much either. And as always, I went back to school after the summer was over and became Lily Evans, school know-it-all over again. It was the summer after that that changed everything.

"I had just gotten home maybe six hours before and already I was sneaking out of the house to go to a club that I had heard about from my neighbor. I remember meeting a guy and going back to his place with him, and I forgot about him the next day, that was how it always was. And I was with another the next day. But I forgot about him as soon as I walked out of the door too. Then, I changed somehow. I continued going to club after club, though many of the nights I told all the guys to fuck themselves, because I wanted to be alone. I wanted to dance. I needed to dance for some reason," she told him in a harsh whisper. She knew why she had needed to dance though. She had been jealous. She had gotten a letter from Zachariah, one of her friends from Hogwarts who lived around James, saying that he was dating a girl from the village near their house and that it was serious. And she wanted to get rid of the pain that had clutched around her heart, she wanted to get rid of the jealousy. So, she danced.

"Then, one night, it must have been close to a month and a half into the summer, there was this guy. I kept telling him to go away, but he was persistent. More so than any of the others. I got buzzed that night. And I let him dance with me. I remember thinking that his rhythm sucked before we started to go towards his place. The next morning I went home, went to sleep and continued on with my life. Until I realized a few weeks later, that I was pregnant." Lily closed her eyes at this and took three deep breaths. God it hurts, she thought as she remembered what she went through. The pain, the anxiety, the fear, the feeling of loneliness, and the helplessness.

"That's when Bella and I became close. She was a God send to me. She used reason when I had none. She helped me figure out who the father was, she helped me find him. And for the first few days that I was trying to get to know the bastard, she was there for me, just to make sure that I was okay. Then, everything started to go downhill," she said in a whisper, and keeping her eyes closed, willed the tears to go away.

James sat there, fists clenched, jaw much the same as she told him the story. But, he knew that the worst part was about to come. He wanted to kill the bastard who put Lily through this so badly. He knew that Lily thought it was her fault. It was written all over her face. But she didn't realize that it was the guys' fault just as much. He could have used the protection that every guy should have the common sense to use.

"I had went to his house one day because he had told me to come over, and I did. He had been late, and his neighbors son had been out there talking to me when he finally showed up. Jason- the guy that got me pregnant, came up to us, and got mad, thinking that I was flirting with the son. To this day I still don't know if I truly was. But anyways, Jason dragged me into his apartment and started yelling, claiming that he wouldn't allow me to have an affair with his neighbor's son. And he acted like he didn't even know if it was his child. He threw something at me. A lamp I think that it was, and it hit my stomach. I remember getting up and yelling at him, then all of a sudden, I felt this pain. I never felt anything so painful in my life! It was like someone was trying to tear off my skin. I fainted. I remember that because I ended up in the hospital. I ended up having a miscarriage.

"During that month I found out about my child, I fell in love with it, James. So in love," she said, the tears falling freely now. She had never had to relive the story out loud. And it hurt even more to do so.

James forgot about killing the bastard who harmed Lily and reached across the space that separated them, and pulled Lily onto his lap, hugging her close as he rested his chin on the top of her head and looked blankly at the bookshelf behind her. "Shh," he cooed as he rocked them, trying to clam the heaving sobs that shook her body.

He couldn't imagine the pain that losing her child had caused her. And it hurt him knowing that there was nothing that he could do to make it better. He couldn't give her her child back.

"I killed my baby James, just as much as he did," she cried as she wound her arms around his waist and continued to cry into his uniform sweater.

"No you didn't Lily!" James exclaimed in surprise.

How could she think that! "You cherished that baby Lily. I could hear it in one sentence that you loved that child. You didn't kill it, do you understand me?" he demanded.

Lily nodded her head slightly and continued to cry. "I was so mad at him, and I was so desperately devastated a the loss of my baby that I made a vow that day, as I lay in the hospital crying," she sniffed as she hung onto his back even tighter. "I vowed that I would never be with another guy again."

James blinked his eyes once. It all made sense now. Why she suddenly stopped looking at him asking her out as entertainment, and blew up every time he asked her to Hogsmeade, or anywhere else for that matter. She was scared of the same ting happening to her. She didn't trust a guy who had an interest in her.

Closing his eyes, James made a vow of his own. _No one is ever going to hurt you again Lily. _

"James?" Lily questioned in a small voice.

"Hmm?" was her reply as he pulled her closer. He loved having her closed, being able to smell her, touch her.

"Do you think that you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

James' eyes shot open in surprise. "Uhm," was all that he could say as he battled his shock.

"OH. Okay. Well, could you let me up?" Lily whispered as she started to fight tears for a whole different reason. She truly thought that he was going to be okay with everything when he had comforted her. _Looks like I'm wrong._ She told herself bitterly.

"No." James told her as he narrowed his eyes. "I'm not letting you up. Not now, not ever. How the hell could you think that I'd say no to you after seven years where I've been tripping over my own feet to get you to date me?" he asked her as h pulled her head away from his shoulder so that he could look her in the eyes.

"You could have changed your mind," she told him softly, trying to look anywhere but his eyes.

"You could have changed your mind," he mimicked. "If I could have changed my mind, I would have done it years ago! After the fifth time you told me to go find someone else to bother!" he told her with a smile.

He remembered that day still, Lily realized with a shocked smile. It had been one of her better moments. Just seeing James's face as she told him that she was too busy to got o Hogsmeade with him, and for him to find someone else to go with was priceless. He had truly thought that he was going to get her to go out with him for it. He had figured that she was just testing him to see if he was going to forget about her and ask someone else. No girl had _ever_ made him work for a date like Lily Evans.

"True," Lily allowed as she came back to the present.

"See," James smirked. "I'm always right. Just ask Padfoot!" He boasted, causing Lily to raise her eyebrows skeptically. "Okay, bad example, but still!"

Lily laughed. She couldn't help it! He just looked so cute! His hair was rumpled – as always, his hazel eyes sparkled with humor making them look more green than anything behind his oval-shaped, wire-rimmed glasses, and his mouth was curved in a grin that showed off his perfectly straight white teeth, and a single dimple on his left cheek. "You're so cute," she laughed as she shook her head, the strands of hair that she had left down flying in her face slightly.

"So are you," he countered. Lily chucked and gave him a smile in return.

"So how 'bout we go to the village next weekend?" he asked with a gri. It was good to finally know that his question was finally going to be answered the _right_ way!

"No," Lily told him , and watched in amusement as his satisfied smirk turned into a frown.

"Huh?" was all he could think to say. "But you just-! Ah, what!"

Lily found it hard to keep her mouth straight, and was battling the smile that wanted to show, but in the end, she couldn't win, and laughed.

James stared at Lily with a content smile. Here she was, sitting on his lap, laughing, smiling, and not telling him to go to hell. He was almost afraid that this was a dream in fact, he would think that it was a dream, except for the fact that when he dreamed about Lily they usually had less clothes on. Even when they _were_ talking.

"Of course I will you big idiot!" she told him with a grin as she looked into his eyes.

"Good."

"Good? That's all you can say?" she asked, amused.

"Yep. Until I can tell Padfoot and the boys my good news that is," he told her with a sheepish grin.

"Oh. Is that so? You can tell them something more, but not me? The one who's actually going on the date with you?" she said, and go a weird tingle in her stomach at the thought. It felt good though. It felt really good to think that she was finally going to be able to do this, and not only in her dreams.

"Yep." He replied with a huge grin on his face. Never even in his wildest dreams did he ever think that Lily Evans would be saying that she was going to go out on a _date_ with him. And he liked it. Especially since this now meant that she was his girlfriend. And no one else's. And he was her boyfriend. Just thinking that, made him giddy and want to grin even more and wider than he was at that moment.

Lily laughed and got off of James's lap. "Well, then how about we go walk to the Gryffindor Tower so that we can tell our friends that they can save the few brain cells that they have left?" she suggested with a grin.

"I guess that we better. Especially considering that Sirius doesn't have many left. I know that I've caused him to slam his head against the wall one too many times," he told her with a smile as he grabbed her hand after they walked out of the common room and they started toward the Tower.

"You too?" Poor Bella is close to losing all of the cells in her head soon." Lily laughed. "And not all of it is because of me either."

James looked down at his girlfriend and smiled. He couldn't remember a time where he felt more…content. Happy.

Before long, the new couple found themselves standing in front of the Fat Lady.

"Password?" She drawled as she looked down at the two heads.

"Carrot Peas," Lily told her in her soft, innocent voice.

The Fat Lady smiled and swung her picture open, revealing the red and gold common room.

"Shall we?" James asked as he ushered her in.

"Lily walked in front of him and shot a grin over her shoulder. "We shall."

OoO

The reactions that they got from their friends ranged from relief to shock and then some.

"What?" Lily asked in a shy tone as she realized that three of the four faces were looking at her.

"You," Remus stuttered as he looked at her with wide eyes.

"Agreed!" Sirius yelled happily as he got up and hugged Lily hard. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" he chanted happily as he picked lily up and swung her around in circles. "Whoa. Need to sit down. Room spinning," he muttered as he let go of Lily, who fell into James's ready arms, while Sirius fell back onto a certain soft, womanly someone. "Hi, Bella," he said as he got comfortable sitting on her legs. "You know, the room actually looks cool when it's spinning. Weird, but fucking cool!" he exclaimed as he watched the gray stones mix with the gold and red colors.

"Ugh! You're heavy!" Bella exclaimed as she tried to push Sirius's heave weight off of her now sleeping legs.

"Sorry," Sirius apologized as he shifted so that their positions were reversed and Bella was no the on sitting on him.

"Let me up," she demanded.

"Why?" he asked, puzzled.

Lily, who was sitting on James's lap with her knee dangling over the edge of the chair that he was sitting in, and her head resting on his chest, smiled. "I'm willing to bet that they get together soon," she whispered in his ear.

"Really?" he asked as he watched the pair interact with each other.

"Yep." Was all that she told him.

"Well, you see, I don't have to do everything you tell me to. So I don't necessarily have to let you up," Sirius pointed out as he pulled Bella closer to his body so that she couldn't escape. But not close enough to let her feel the effect that her wiggling had on him.

"Yes you do, because it's my body that you're holding." She retorted as she planted her palms against his chest and pushed. It was no use she realized with scowl. The guy was too strong! And she refused to allow herself to acknowledge just how sexy those muscles felt. It was no wonder why the guy was so heartbreakingly titled a 'playboy'.

He had that sharp, dark face and hair that could make a girl jealous with just one look at it, and the burning brown eyes that could make a girl melt, or freeze anyone who irritated or upset him with their chill. He was a god in his own right.

Not that she would ever admit that.

"Like what you see?" he asked in a hoarse whisper as he noticed how long she had been quiet and where exactly she had been looking.

"I might," she told him in a seductive whisper.

Lily looked at James and smiled. "Willing to take me up on that bet?" she asked, her eyes twinkling merrily.

For once in a long time, she felt truly happy.

"I'm not that stupid," he told her as he stroked her hair and looked over towards Remus and Peter who were playing a game of chess in the corner of the room.

"We'll see about that," she commented and giggled as he dug a finger lightly into her side.

_Is it worth it? _The question flashed through her mind and she smiled. She'd make it worth it.

_**Authors Notes:**_

_**Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but I have to re-type everything, and it's a pain in the butt. But anyway's I hope you guys like! And to answer the questions about 'Til the Dawn of Tomorrow, I'm not totally sure if I still have all the chapters on that story but I'll go ahead and check and leave a note on the next chapter for you guys. **_

_**Anyways happy readings!**_

_**And happy holidays! Hope you get everything on your list!**_


	9. Chapter 9

Is It Worth It

_**Is It Worth It?**_

_**Chapter 9**_

You would have thought that Voldermort himself had walked into the Great Hall the next morning by the reactions that all of the students – and even some of the teachers had.

"Who died?" Lily asked, looking at James as she held onto his hand a little tighter. She hated when people stared at her; she always felt as if she accidentally tucked her skirt into her underwear or something.

"The enemies," Bella laughed as she walked next to Lily with a smile. "You two are holding hands. You had to have known that you'd receive this kind of attention."

Huffing, Lily sat down next to James and picked up a bowl of fruit. "How retarded, people become couples every day!"

"You're my girlfriend now, they're going to pay attention to you no matter what," James told her as he wrapped his free arm around her small waist.

Scrunching up her nose, Lily looked at James. "Modest aren't you?"

"It's true!" he protested with a shrug as he took a bite of his sausage.

Lily simply shook her head and looked at Bella, who was sitting across from her. "Remind me why."

"Because you're in _love_," she laughed, making Lily snort with laughter, afraid that if she did anything else Bella would see through her.

"Now, now Lily-bean, there's no reason to be so mean! Hey I made a rhyme!" Sirius announced happily as he chewed on his food.

Lily looked a Sirius and shook her head lightly. "I'm so proud of you," she said with a smirk. "You actually know what a rhyme is!"

"I do, I learned -- hey! That wasn't very nice!" He pouted when he finally caught on to her meaning.

"How do you deal with this all the time?" Lily asked, looking over at Remus, who had been simply watching the on-goings from his seat with a silent smile.

"You get used to it after a few years," he laughed as he ran a thin hand through his sandy blonde hair.

"I don't know about that," Lily muttered as she took a bite of her fruit and chewed.

"Oh my Merlin," a gasp came from behind Lily, causing her to look over her shoulder questioningly.

Tiffany Brinkly, a popular seventh year Hufflepuff – popular with the boys at least, was gaping at James' arm.

Lily continued to look at the beautiful brunette until she raised her shocked brown eyes from James' arm up to Lily's eyes. "How?" she sneered, her sickingly sugary voice now lethal. Everyone knew that Tiffany wanted James, and James would never give her the time of day to even attempt seduction on him.

"It's called being real," Lily shrugged, causing James to finally turn his head to see who she was talking to.

"Hey, Tiffany," James nodded before he turned back around to continue his conversation about this weekends Qudditch game with a couple of the team members that had sat near him.

"You found a potion to make him fall in love with you didn't you?"

Lily snorted, amusement making her eyes appear more green as Bella roared with laughter.

"Are you kidding, he's been chasing her since second year like a little puppy!" Bella laughed, catching the rest of the groups attention.

"Hey!" James protested with a pout as he gripped Lily's waist tighter, as if he was scared that she was going to simply fade away and all of this was just a dream. "I resent that statement! I'm not a puppy – it was more like a –"

"Like a love sick puppy," Remus said, cutting him off with a grin, his hazel eyes laughing as he looked over James' shoulder and saw the furious glare that Tiffany was giving everyone.

"No! I'm the puppy! They're cute. Prongs is just an ugly deer," Sirius argued with a shake of his head, causing his hair to fall in his eyes. Brushing the long black strands away impatiently, Sirius took a drink of his pumpkin juice.

"Hey! I'm not ugly!"

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!"

"Uh huh," Sirius continued as he stole a piece of bacon off of Bella's plate, causing her to narrow her eyes at him dangerously. He just grinned at her in what he thought was a charming way as he grabbed another piece.

"Ouch! You vixen!" Sirius yelped as Bella stabbed his hand with her fork with an delighted grin on her face.

"Don't touch my food," she told him as she took a bite of her toast.

"You weren't eating it," he pouted as he rubbed his hand, holding it to his chest tenderly.

"I was going to," she argued.

"You could have gotten more."

"So could you have," she countered. "But now I have to head towards class like the rest of you."

"But I'm injured!"

"Oh, good lord," Lily muttered with a roll of her eyes. Wipping her wand out of her cloak, she pointed her wand at Sirius and whispered a few words under her breath. "Better?" she asked as she got up from her seat, grabbing an apple to take with her. She was going to get hungry before lunch, just like she always did.

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head as he looked at Bella with accusing eyes. "She needs to kiss it better."

"Like that's going to happen," Bella snorted as she picked up her books and headed for the Great Hall door. Lily however noticed the touch of pink that was tinting Bella's tan skin.

"Just do it to get him to stop whining, it's giving me a headache," Lily urged as she got up too and pulled on James' sleeve.

"But I'm not done yet," he cried out at the same time Bella yelled, "I am not going to put my mouth on him!"

"You are now," Lily instructed as she pulled James further away from his plate. "And just get him to shut up," she told Bella.

"I'm not done with you Evans! Don't walk away!" Tiffany yelled from the spot she had been at since she noticed Lily and James.

"Oh get a life," Lily huffed. It was very nerve-wracking to deal with so many idiots at once!

"Lily! Be nice," James smirked as he grabbed her book bag, and nearly fell over from the weight. "Holy Merlin, but what do you have in here?" he demanded as he put it over his shoulder along with his – which was considerably lighter than hers!

"Books, duh," she said, looking at him as if he was missing some brain cells.

"Yes, I know that," James said rolling his eyes as he slung his arm over her shoulder – he was scared to let go of her for any amount of time. She might wake up and realize what was happening. "But _how many_ books do you have in here?"

"I don't know," she shrugged as she looked behind her to ask Bella something. Her friend however was busy arguing with Sirius over … snowflakes?

"What in the world are arguing over _snowflakes_ for?" Lily asked with a bemused look on her face.

"Because she doesn't believe that people are up in the sky making snowflakes individually!" Sirius exclaimed wildly, his gray eyes wide with disbelief.

Looking back to the now laughing James, Lily asked, "What did his parents do to him when he was younger?"

"You know, we've never been able to get the story out of him," James sighed as he wiped the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. "But I think that it has something to do with a garden gnome."

"A what? How?" Lily frowned, confused. How can one become crazy and dumb from a garden gnome? You stared at it too long and it fried your brain?

"It's one of the mysteries of life," Remus remarked as they walked into the Charms class room and took their seats – and for the first time in Hogwarts history, Lily Evans sat next to James Potter out of her own will.

.0.0.0.

"I never want to get up from this bed again," Lily moaned as she flopped herself across Bella's bed later that night. They had just got back from the library, and Lily's eyes were stinging. She hated reading in the dim lighting. You would think that a library would have good lighting, but _no_, Hogwarts simply wanted their students to go blind!

"Oh, yes you are," Bella laughed as she leaned against her pillows and crossed her legs at the ankles, admiring her newly painted red toenails. "Because every time we try to share a bed you end up giving me bruises!"

"That's because you steal all of the blankets," Lily argued as she closed her eyes in hope that it'd relive the burning in her eyes. Maybe I need glasses, she thought.

"That's because you always have to leave the window open."

"Not all the time."

"Nearly."

"Well, I suffocate!" Lily argued.

"Which is why I steal the blankets!"

"…Why are we arguing over this again?" Lily asked as she cracked one eye open to look at Bella. For once no one was in the seventh year girls' dorm, and it was quiet, besides for them. It was almost eerie.

"Because you said that you were never getting off of my bed," Bella reminded as she rolled her eyes at her best friend.

"Oh," she drawled before she suddenly started to grin. She was going to go on a date with James Potter that weekend.

"What's with that grin?"

"James asked me to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"Do you have anything to wear?" Bella grinned as she looked at the red head that was currently sprawled across her bed.

"I have the perfect dress for him," Lily smirked as she imagined the black dress that she had brought with her for some unknown – at the time at least, reason.

She was going to make him fall so in love with her that he wasn't even going to realize it until it was too late to back out. She always got what she wanted, and nothing was going to change that.

0.00.0

_**Authors Notes:**_

_Wow… do your eyes deceive you? Nah, I actually updated this story!! It's a miracle! Like I said, this is going to be completely different--I kind of lost the disk that the other one was on. Actually truthfully I think that I lost the whole box that it was in when I moved, but I'm not that sure. _

_Anyways, review!! The next chapter is the date! Which I still remember kind of! _

_Have a great weekend!_

_Lisa_


	10. Chapter 10

Is It Worth It

_**z**_

_**Is It Worth It?**_

_**Chapter 10**_

Lily stood in front of the mirror and gave a nervous smile to herself. This was going to be her first date with James, and for some reason she had an army of butterflies in her stomach.

She tried to tell herself that she had nothing to worry about, but that just didn't help her at all. Sure, she knew that when she put her mind to it she was beautiful, but there were just some things you felt like you had to be just a little more than what you could give. This was one of those times apparently.

She was wearing a dress that she had bought right before coming back to school – she had loved it at first sight, and was more than grateful that she had brought it with her.

It was a green knee length silk dress with a double V-neck dress that featured a sheer tonal mesh overlay in the same green color and was detailed with ribbon embroidery.

Her red hair had been fashioned into loose curls that she had left down for James. She had quickly learned that he loved to play with her hair.

And for her makeup, she went without any cover-up and opted for a smoky eye shadow look instead.

She looked great; she just hoped that she wasn't overdressed. He had told her to wear formal, but was she formal enough?

Just as she was about to walk back to her closet to see if there was anything else that she could wear, James knocked at her bedroom door, causing her to start in surprise. There was no going back after this.

Grabbing her black pea coat off of her bed as she passed it, Lily took one deep calming breath before she opened the door.

"You look great," James breathed as he saw her, making Lily blush and push a few strands of her hair behind her ear.

"Thank you," she smiled as she looked at him. He didn't look so bad himself in his formal wizarding clothes. His pristine black and white outfit made him look debonair and older than he was. And amazingly enough it looked as if he finally won a battle with his messy hair. It was slicked back off of his forehead, with no of the usual hints of untamable hair that he usually had.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she told him as he grabbed her jacket from her limp hands and held it up so that she could slip into it.

"I have something for you," James grinned down at her, his blue eyes shinning with an emotion that Lily couldn't place. She loved the dimple that he got on his right cheek when he smiled – it gave him a boyish charm.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Lily protested softly as she turned to look at him better. Why is it that some guys had to be so damn perfect?

"Yes I did. You need something to remember this night by," James told her as he reached into his cloak pocket and withdrew a perfect white lily. "I know it's a huge cliché because of your name, but it reminded me of you," he said sheepishly when he noticed Lily's amused look.

"Thank you, I love it," Lily grinned as she took the flower from his hand and brought it to her face to smell it. Such a small thing made everything in her go soft – it was amazing.

"Are you ready to go?" James asked, holding up his arm, elbow out for her with a charming smile on his face.

"Let me put this away, one moment," Lily told him as she rushed back into her room to place the Lily on her bedside table where she had a half full glass of water that she never finished drinking last night.

"Okay," she smiled as she took his offered arm and followed him down the staircase. It wasn't an easy task, but they managed to get down without falling over. "That's harder than it looks," Lily laughed as they exited the common room.

"I thought that it was wide enough for both of us," James said in way of an apology as he grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips. He was determined to make this night perfect for her. Nothing was going to go wrong.

"Where are we going?" Lily asked as they strolled through the halls hand-in-hand. The carriages were going to be leaving soon if they didn't hurry up, but she didn't want to rush him.

"A place where we won't be bothered," James told her with his trademark smirk as he dropped her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist instead.

"And just why wouldn't we want to be bothered Mr. Potter?" Lily flirted back with a small smile. She couldn't help but to smile when he was like this with her.

"Because I want you all to myself without everyone staring and pointing at us," he told her as they stepped onto a staircase just as it stopped moving.

"Thank Merlin," Lily sighed happily. She was starting to get extremely tired of everyone's constant attention. She understood that the school population as a whole was shocked, but that doesn't mean that they have to gawk at her like she came from another planet every time they saw her walk by.

"Lily!" someone yelled from behind the new couple.

Lily looked at James in a way that told him to behave as she turned around and stared at Snape. "Yes?"

"You don't have to do this," Snape gasped for air as he skidded to a halt in front of the two, his ever present black robes swishing around him. "If you want to date someone, date me instead. I thought that you weren't ready for it yet."

Staring at Snape with a blank expression, Lily tired not to recoil in disgust as he dragged his hand through his oily potion smelling hair and then extended it to touch her. "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you wanted to date me," she said slowly as she discretely backed up out of his reach, dragging the snarling James with her. She didn't want him close enough to Snape to inflict harm. "And I believe that I'm fine with the decision that I have made. I'm sorry Snape, maybe next time."

James turned his head to look at Lily in shock. _Why is she being so nice to this piece of filth! _He screamed in his head. This was his Lily, and he wasn't going to lose her to someone like Severus Snape. Hell, he couldn't lose a donkey to Snape, let alone the most beautiful girl in school.

"I'll see you around," Lily told him firmly as she dragged James towards one of the waiting carriages. Most of them were already gone, but they managed to get one by themselves miraculously.

"I can't believe that you talked to him!" James vented as he looked at Lily. "He goes around calling you the 'M' word and you still talk to him! Are you crazy?"

"I have a hard time being mean to people when I'm in a good mood," Lily shrugged, her green eyes laughing at him as she kept her lips straight. He looked adorable with his pout.

"But still, this is Snape that we're talking about, not some weird half nice half mean furry animal! Snape is _always_ a bastard," James argued, folding his arms over his chest, peeved.

"But I'm here with you," Lily shrugged, sighing. Men were such idiots – never had a clue when to drop a subject.

"I know that you're here with me," James said slowly, not sure what she had meant by that. Looking at her though, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He had made up his mind to make this the best day of her life, and here he was arguing with her over Severus Snape of all people. _Smooth moves Potter, no wonder why you have all the girls chasing after you._

"I'm sorry Lily, I shouldn't have brought it up," he apologized as he picked up her hand, which had been picking at the hem of her dress and brought it up to his lips.

"You're a man, which means that you are a dunderhead, which means that you're not really sorry, but you don't want me upset," Lily told him as she looked at him from the corner of her eyes, nearly laughing as she saw the blush on his cheeks. James Potter didn't blush.

"Does it now?" James asked sheepishly, not wanting to admit that she was correct.

"Yep!" Lily laughed, nodding her head as she looked at him.

Just then the carriage came to a stop, making the two teenagers look out the windows – they were there already.

"Come on," James grinned as he hopped down and held out a hand so that Lily could get down. His parents had always thought him to greet a girl with more respect than you would a queen – he had just never tested the theory with any other girl before.

"I can't believe that it's so cold already," Lily said as she pulled her jacket closer to her body, wishing that they could have been on a date that allowed her to wear pants instead of a dress.

"It's going to be worse once December comes," James told her as he wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her close to his body. "I'll be more than willing to share my heat with you, don't worry," he grinned as he looked down at her. Sometimes it amazed him how vibrant Lily could be yet fragile looking at the same time. She was close to a head shorter than him, and weighed at least half his weight – sometimes he was scared that he could break her just by touching her.

"Where are we going?" Lily asked as they passed all of the usual Hogsmeade shops and into a richer, less student populated side of town that she hadn't realized existed.

"Right there," James said as he pointed to a small shop that had a wooden sign hanging above the door with the traditional celtic knot on it.

"What is that place?" she asked with a frown, suddenly scared that James was going to take her into a seedy bar. It was too small of a place to even hold a kitchen and a table by the looks of it, so how could it be a restaurant?

"One of the finest dinning selections that you could find around here," he told her as he opened the frosted glass door for her and watched as her mouth dropped in shock.

The restaurant was nothing like you would expect it to be from the outside. Inside it was almost as if it read your mind and picked out the perfect fairy tale and portrayed it into every setting.

Like Hogwarts, the ceiling was charmed like the sky, yet this one was set with the starry night sky, with a full moon. Even though it was only lunch time it was dark inside, the only lighting in the whole restaurant came from the candles that were placed on each table, hovering over the diners heads so that they weren't in the way on the table. The table cloths were a filmy white silk, and every table was a booth seat and had its own section to allow the diners their privacy.

"Good day," a voice drawled from next to Lily, causing her to jump. "Can I have your name please?"

"James Potter," James chuckled as he stepped behind Lily and slid her jacket off of her shoulders.

"Don't laugh at me," Lily hissed and dug her elbow into his side as he handed over her jacket and his cloak. Underneath he was wearing a pair of black slacks and a dark blue button up shirt that complimented his eyes. The top two buttons were undone, giving her a glimpse of the white t-shirt that he was wearing underneath. Add in his shaggy black hair and grin and it was just enough to make Lily weak at the knees.

"Sorry, love," he smiled as the host started to motion them towards their booth.

Lily just smiled and followed the sleek haired host, scrunching her nose against the over powering smell of the cologne he had put on before he came to work that afternoon.

"Your server will be with you momentarily," the guy – Stanly his name tag revealed, drawled as James helped Lily slide into the booth, and then moved to slide into his own side.

"I can't believe this, I thought that you were taking me to a bar," Lily told him with a smile as she brushed her hair over her shoulder, revealing her long white neck.

Laughing, James leaned back and simply looked at Lily. It was hard for him to think of a time when he ever thought her to be ugly. She looked perfect, every time. "Now why would I make you dress up in this very nice dress to take you to a bar – great legs by the way."

"Thanks they're my mother's work of art. And who knows with your mind – you could have thought that it was romantic," Lily shrugged as she started to draw little designs into the table cloth with her nail unintentionally.

"Not even I am that stupid!" James laughed, and then immediately frowned. "I didn't mean that the way it came out."

"Uh-huh," Lily giggled. "I kind of agree though."

"Now, now, be nice," he pouted, causing her to laugh harder. "I like it when you laugh. It does something to your face that just makes you …. I don't know, but it makes you even more beautiful than you were."

Lily looked at James with a stunned look, blushing to the tips of her hair with the compliment. "Thank you," she murmured.

"It's the truth," he shrugged as he leaned across the table and grabbed her hand. "I feel like we've done this a million times before, yet I still feel as if everything rests on this one date."

Lily just smiled at him and shook her head. She didn't know how to reassure him that it didn't, because truth was, she was thinking the same thing.

Just then their server, a young blond girl, came up to the table with a smile – well, a smile for James and a nod for Lily to be more accurate. "Hi my name is Kayla and I'll be your server, what can I get you to drink tonight?"

"I'll have a pumpkin cider," James said, smiling lightly at the girl before he looked back at Lily, surprised to see her glaring at the waitress.

"I'll have a cinnamon spritz please."

"Great, I'll be right back with those and take your order," she grinned, her voice cheerful.

Barely refraining from rolling her eyes at the girl, Lily looked back at James and raised an eyebrow in question. "What's that look for?"

"You're jealous that she was smiling at me," James grinned as he leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head, smirking at her the whole time.

"No I wasn't," Lily blushed as she looked away from him and down at the table cloth. She had never been jealous of someone before, so this was a weird position for her to be in.

"Uh-huh. Don't worry, I would have been too if it was a guy instead of a girl," James told her as he scooted across the booth so that he was sitting next to her instead of across from her.

Lily turned her head to look at James and couldn't help but wonder how she got so lucky. She had gone from having nothing but Bella in her life to having everything that she had ever wanted. James Potter. She had the most wanted man in school, all for herself – she had the right to be protective of him.

With those thoughts in her head, Lily smiled at the waitress as she came back with their drinks and to take their orders.

"Do you know what you want, baby?" she asked James, looking up at him dreamily.

Shaking his head at Lily's attempts he looked at Kayla and gave her his order, his hand softly caressing Lily's shoulder as he did so.

"What about you, love?" he asked.

"I'll have the herb chicken with a side of the cranberry mixture, along with a side of mixed vegetables, please."

"Okay, that'll be out shortly," Kayla sighed, and Lily could see the girls green eyes rest on the arm that James had over her shoulder with a defeated smile.

Now Lily actually felt bad for the girl. There was nothing like being single and seeing everyone coupled up – especially if one of those people was someone that you liked or thought was cute. It was the single girl curse.

Resting her head on James' shoulder, Lily closed her eyes and smiled. She was no longer one of those girls who had to worry about that curse. She had her man; and she wasn't letting go any time soon.

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Lily kept her hand firmly in James' strong, warm, and slightly callused hands as they walked through the town of Hogsmeade. The wind was starting to pick up, and had a brutal bite to it, but she didn't mind. As long as she was within breathing distance of James, she was able to feel his body heat.

"It's beautiful out here," Lily said as she wrapped both arms around one of his. Her head was resting against the top of his arm, her cheek rubbing against the wool of his cloak as they walked. Her legs were frozen but the rest of her body was warm!

"It is," James smiled, looking down at her. She looked so serene as she held onto him, looking around the part of Hogsmeade that not many students ventured to. The leaves were basically all fallen off of the trees, leaving them bare; piles of leaves were piled beneath them just waiting for kids to jump into them, laughing as they threw them at each other. A fine layer of fog was starting to settle in, creating the illusion of the world being completely quiet and quaint without a problem to worry about.

Yet it was Lily who was beautiful to him. Her face was relaxed in a way that he hadn't seen on her since their first year at school. Her green eyes were vivid and attentive and her lips were half tilted in a small smile. She looked perfect – he wanted to remember her just as she was right now.

_I love you Lily,_ he sighed happily in his head as he tilted his head so that he could place a light kiss on the top of her head, a few of her auburn strands of hair tickling his nose as he did so.

"Let's head back, you're getting cold," James told her as he noticed how cold her face felt. "I don't want you to get sick."

"Okay," Lily sighed. The only reason she was agreeing was because if she wasn't careful she was going to die of hypothermia. She felt like a popsicle!

She was going to be sad when this day was over though, it was one of the bests of her life.

_**Authors Notes:**_

TA-DA! Two updates on this story within a month, it's a miracle! I think that I've died of shock.

Anyways, this is nothing like the original date – besides the description of the restaurant. I decided to go with something different when it finally came down to it all. I hope that you enjoyed!

Review!


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